Skip to main content

31 Days to Keep a Tender Heart: October 27

I think I’ve fallen sick with rule-following again.
I hesitated to put lotion on my face this afternoon because I had already done it this morning. My rule is lotion twice a day, once in the morning and once at bed-time. Lotion in the middle of the day, even if my skin feels really dry, is against that rule. I almost didn’t put it on and was about to let my skin suffer until I realized that I was being ridiculous and I am free to put on as much lotion as I want.
I’m here at the House of Prayer for our 12 hour burn and I have hardly said two words to God. I have been too busy serving as a prophetic singer, catching up on my one-year Bible readings, taking care of administrative tasks, reading my next section of Grace for the Good Girl and now, writing. I have been really busy doing things for God, instead of enjoying His sweet presence.
I should have recognized my symptoms when I woke up at 5:30 this morning. I was sure that I am a terrible person. I felt so awful that I started trying to find sins that I could repent of so that I could feel close to God again. Even after I repented of everything that I could think of, God still felt far away and it hurt my heart. I finally fell asleep again, but I wasn’t at rest.
Then, I was singing during a watch this morning and trying to convince myself that God is always close to me, even if I can’t feel Him. I felt completely numb and disconnected. I was also nervously asking myself, “Why do I feel so bad? What is wrong with me? How can I feel close to God again?!”
Fortunately, chapter 6 of Grace for the Good Girl is entitled: the rule follower. As I read, I was deeply relieved to realize that I was striving again to please God through my works and that this explains why I have been feeling so terrible. I am not good enough to please God on my own and this is why I have been feeling such failure and hopelessness.
So, I’m done working now. I’m officially resting now. I am going to put everything away and I am going to draw near to my God. I know that He will be excited to see me and give me rest in His grace.
Still Counting Gifts:

·         #611: I am not under the law, but under grace Romans 6:14
·         #612: The righteousness of God is mine because of my faith in Jesus Christ Romans 3:21-22
·         #613: I am not competent in myself to claim anything for myself, but my competence comes from God. He has made me competent as a minister of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. 2 Corinthians 3:4-6
·         #614: I can draw near to God in full assurance of faith
·         #615: God wants to give me rest in Him


Popular posts from this blog

Heart Revival

Hey you guys,

It's been almost two years since my last post. What?!

I know some of you probably forgot that I even used to do this, but I hope that you're as excited as I am that I'm coming back to blogging. It's a new season and God has been stirring up lots of creativity and courage in me recently. I'm happy to tell you all about it.

In case you missed it, I became a mom to sweet Elias last summer. In fact, he is about to turn 1 year old on Monday and I can't believe it! Guys, he is absolutely the sweetest, calmest and most delightful baby you can ever imagine and I still tear up sometimes in gratitude when I remember that he is my little boy.

One of my life dreams to be a stay-at-home mama has been partially fulfilled in that I only work three days a week during the school year. I work 2 1/2 days at RCS Elementary School and it is an amazing place. Shortly after I got there, they put me in charge of the two chapel services that happen each week. Guess what? …

What do I fix my eyes on?

Do you ever notice themes popping up in your daily life and wonder if God is saying something?

You read something that stands out to you and then you hear a song reinforcing the same message. You find this topic coming up in conversations throughout the day. Maybe you even see it appearing in your newsfeed on social media. Your heart moves a little bit every time you see or hear this theme.

This has been happening to me this week. The theme is actually a question: What are your eyes fixed on?

I'm preparing to lead See You At The Pole at my school tomorrow and the theme is Fix Your Eyes. It comes from Hebrews 12:2 which encourages us to fix our eyes on Jesus and follow his example in how we handle difficulties and suffering.

Then, I read this amazing blog post this morning by Sharon Hodde Miller about how being a people-pleaser and addicted to approval ultimately causes you to become completely self-focused. (Check out When the Self-Help Gospel Isn't Helping You Anymore on www…

My Arbonne Story - A journey of discovery

You guys, drum roll, please... I have become an Independent Consultant with Arbonne!

This is a big change for me and I am SO, so excited for this opportunity. But, no one seems to be as surprised as I am by this development. Most of the people that I have told have said something like, "That makes sense." Or, "I can see you doing that."This has gotten me reflecting on what has been emerging in me that is facilitating this transition. And, how does what seems like such a discovery to me seem so logical to everyone else?!

I have been an Arbonne groupie for several years now. I absolutely love their product! Every time they come out with something new and I get to try it, I end up wanting it. I have hosted several parties and I have thoroughly enjoyed introducing other people to all of the amazing products that I have been enjoying, but I never considered becoming a consultant.
Recently, something shifted for me. I was at a party and I felt really stirred when Nikki …