Skip to main content

31 Days to Keep a Tender Heart: October 23

 
Have you ever been afraid to hope? I have.
I imagine hope like a little plant with bright flowers that wants to grow in the soil of my heart. I’m afraid to let this little plant bloom and grow because it can open the door to disappointment. Disappointment, when it encounters hope in my heart, rushes in like the secret police discovering a fugitive. Cruel disappointment crushes hope and forcibly removes it from my heart. This leaves a gaping hole that hurts. I can feel where hope used to be and how it was torn away.
As a result, I am extremely cautious about letting hope grow in certain areas of my heart. In areas like work, where I perform well and disappointment only visits rarely, I actually enjoy when hope blooms and grows. I will even pitch in and help to cultivate it. But, in other areas, like in the area of hoping to be married, I almost never let it grow.
A good friend from church pointed this out to me the other day. She said that I can feel hopeful every day because any day can be the day that God brings a man into my life. I responded that I can’t do that because every day that my hope is not fulfilled is a day that disappointment comes. And disappointment every day is too crushing to risk. She responded that this was a bad confession on my part.
I knew then, as I know now, that she is absolutely right. My fear of disappointment in the area of meeting a man and getting married is so enormous that I tear out my hope anytime it starts to sprout. I vigilantly watch to make sure that I am not feeling hopeful about ever meeting someone so that I am not at risk for being disappointed. But, as my wise friend observed, this is a bad confession.
Isn’t God big enough to provide for this need in my life? Wouldn’t it be better to let hope grow up in my heart and fill me with all joy and peace in believing that God is at work in my life? (Romans 15:13) And doesn’t God love me enough to comfort me whenever I meet disappointment?
I have decided to open up my heart to hope once more. I confess that it is terrifying. Every time I catch sight of it, I want to run over and tear it up by the roots. I keep listening for disappointment to come banging on the door to punish me for being foolish enough to host hope. Then, God lovingly reminds me that there is no disappointment that He cannot heal. He promises to heal every broken and hurt place in my heart with His mercy and grace, by Jesus’ blood. God reassures me that there is no disappointment that we cannot overcome together and that He will never leave me.
So, don’t be surprised if I start to seem more hopeful to you. I’m growing hope in my heart.
Still Counting Gifts:
·         #586: Sharing a bathroom with Karyn and Ava, which allows me to actually see them for 5 minutes in the middle of the week
·         #587: When my schedule changes for my good and I get to eat lunch, spend 2 hours in the prayer room and leave early at the end of the day
·         #588: Opportunities to share with my clients that God really is enough and that He really can give them joy in His presence despite their painful circumstances
·         #589: Sharing intercession with Jesus over these beautiful people that He has entrusted to my care
·         #590: Moments where I encounter someone who already has something I want and I can remind myself that He’s not done with me yet
·         #591: When I ask God to remind me of things that I am certain to forget and He does

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

3 weeks ago today

I got married three weeks ago today. I’ve been thinking a lot about our wedding since that day. This was my first week back to work, which meant that I got to talk a lot about that day and show pictures, because everything is still fresh and new and people are anxious to know how it went. I have missed writing. Several times during our honeymoon, I almost grabbed my laptop because I had the urge to write. I never did, but I wanted to. I think that it felt too intimate to record in some ways. And, in others, I was just enjoying being lazy and carefree. I plan to write about what I remember from my wedding. (Maybe even some things from our honeymoon. We shall see…) I don’t know what I will share, but I want to make a record of my memories and experiences from that day. Just three weeks later, but the feelings are less vivid and the mental pictures are less crisp. Fortunately, our photographer did an amazing job and I am thankful that I have those images to remind me....
2 comments
Read more

Heart Revival

Hey you guys, It's been almost two years since my last post. What?! I know some of you probably forgot that I even used to do this, but I hope that you're as excited as I am that I'm coming back to blogging. It's a new season and God has been stirring up lots of creativity and courage in me recently. I'm happy to tell you all about it. In case you missed it, I became a mom to sweet Elias last summer. In fact, he is about to turn 1 year old on Monday and I can't believe it! Guys, he is absolutely the sweetest, calmest and most delightful baby you can ever imagine and I still tear up sometimes in gratitude when I remember that he is my little boy. One of my life dreams to be a stay-at-home mama has been partially fulfilled in that I only work three days a week during the school year. I work 2 1/2 days at RCS Elementary School and it is an amazing place. Shortly after I got there, they put me in charge of the two chapel services that happen each week. Gu...
1 comment
Read more
Dear Me at 16, First, take a deep breath and try to relax. You're not receiving this letter because you are bad or in trouble. To the contrary, I'm writing to you because I care about you and I know that it's hard for you to let others be caring toward you. You feel exposed and vulnerable, wondering if the person will stumble across all those imperfections that you work so hard to hide. You feel afraid of how they might judge you if they knew how needy, fragile and broken you actually are behind your put-together facade. I want to let you know that it's not your fault that you are this way. At least, it's not entirely your fault. Your desire to encourage and help other people is a wonderful, God-given part of your personality that influences you to put yourself in the position of helper. And this is an important part of how God has made you because it relates to the high calling that He has placed on your life to partner with Him in restoring people. Being t...
Post a Comment
Read more