Skip to main content

31 Days to Keep a Tender Heart: October 13

 
It’s raining outside. I can see the drops pouring down against the tree line and the windows in the sun room. I’m starting my second cup of coffee and finalizing what I am going to say at church tonight.
I’m good at talking, but teaching is different, especially when I am writing the lesson.
As you may have imagined, if you’ve been getting to know me, I want it to be perfect. This involves putting a tremendous amount of pressure on me to prepare well so that I can say just the right thing. Perfectionism is exhausting, so it also involves an apathy component. When I have worn myself right out with my impossible expectations and failing to achieve them, I tell myself that it doesn’t really matter and I can just wing it. I attack the value of my task rather than my unreasonable demands.
I’m pretty sick and tired of that yucky cycle and I’ve been asking God to teach me how to do this differently. I have taken time to prepare and I have worked through the feelings that have come up along the way. I’ve been praying over my message tonight and asking God to give me the words that He wants me to say. I have asked Him to give me His heart of compassion for my audience and His thoughts and feelings toward them.  I have had lots of ideas swirling around in my head and I am paying attention to the ones that God keeps highlighting.
I think that my two main goals are to share my story of counting gifts and to encourage people who are suffering that they can find true joy in God, regardless of their circumstances. I know that I am going to have to at least mention my struggle with singleness. I really don’t want to, but it is part of my experience of suffering and I want people to have access to the reality of the painful feelings that I wrestle with. I want them to encounter a real part of me so that it will be easier for them to respond to what I have to say about finding joy in Christ through the practice of gratitude.
I really want people who are hurting to encounter God tonight. I want them to experience true hope that their feelings can change even if their troubling circumstances don’t. I want them to know that they are not alone and Jesus is always more than enough to satisfy our hearts.
If you are going to be in the Rockford area tonight and you are interested in coming, then I will be speaking at Forest City Fellowship. The address is 1300 17th Street, Rockford, IL 61104 and the service starts at 6:30 PM. If you cannot attend, then can I please ask you to pray for me? I would appreciate that.
Still Counting Gifts:
·         #524: Sleeping in
·         #525: Breakfast with the family
·         #526: When everyone leaves and I have time and quiet
·         #527: Space for my thoughts and how helpful chunks of time alone are for my spirit (I have to remember this and build it into my schedule as a love gift for me.)
·         #528: A babysitting sleepover with my beloved squishee’s Noah and Kingston

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Back to School

Well, after four years away from school counseling, I have decided to return. Yes, I'm keeping my private practice in counseling. I will be reducing the number of clients that I see on a weekly basis in order to work 20 hours a week as a school counselor at Rockford Christian Elementary School. This comes in the midst of conversations that I have been having with God about desire. In fact, pursuing this position kind of started those conversations. My good friend Mackenzie, who works in the business office at RCS, told me about the position innocently enough. She wanted me to have the information about the position in case I had any counselor friends who might be interested in applying. What neither she nor I could have known, was how desire would stir in my heart as soon as she started to describe it to me. There are things that I have come to absolutely love in private practice counseling. I love being my own boss, setting my own hours and having complete freedom over...
1 comment
Read more

When Creative Desire Stirs

The past 3 months have felt crazy. And during all these months of crazy, busy activity in my life, desire has been stirring in the background of my heart. I read things that other people write and feel myself come alive. I talk with people and hear things that God is speaking and want to write them down and share. I listen to music, sing to the Lord and long to create something that will help other people to connect with God in worship. It has been over two months since I touched our piano. Or any piano, for that matter. This is also my first blog post in almost 3 months. Crazy months, yes. But, 3 months all the same. I feel sad about these things. And scared to start again. What if I have lost everything that I had developed? But even fear of the possible frustration of starting again has not been able to change my desire. My desire has only been stirring and growing all this time. My desire is to resume creating. With piano. With words. This is week 9 of my training for t...
Post a Comment
Read more

10 days of wedding anticipation

On the 10 th day before my wedding… I put on my fall colors. I usually like to go a little darker in the fall and winter months, although I keep the ombre style all year long. Chrissy Tripodi, at Studio Blu, does an amazing job! We have these little chats before she does my hair. I tell her what I'm thinking and she is full of great ideas. I never know exactly what my hair will look like when she's done, but I have never been anything less than thrilled with her work. This time we even looked at pictures on pinterest and talked about what my hair would look like for the wedding. Chrissy put some extra colors in the hair around my face so that when she puts it all up, there will be lots of dimension to enjoy.  Ben came too. He wanted to get his hair trimmed. Chrissy cut his hair while my color was setting. We might make it a tradition to get our hair cut together. We went together just before my sister’s wedding too and it's been great both times. Our shared...
Post a Comment
Read more