It’s raining outside. I can see the drops pouring down
against the tree line and the windows in the sun room. I’m starting my second
cup of coffee and finalizing what I am going to say at church tonight.
I’m good at talking, but teaching is different, especially
when I am writing the lesson.
As you may have imagined, if you’ve been getting to know me,
I want it to be perfect. This involves putting a tremendous amount of pressure
on me to prepare well so that I can say just the right thing. Perfectionism is
exhausting, so it also involves an apathy component. When I have worn myself
right out with my impossible expectations and failing to achieve them, I tell
myself that it doesn’t really matter and I can just wing it. I attack the value
of my task rather than my unreasonable demands.
I’m pretty sick and tired of that yucky cycle and I’ve been
asking God to teach me how to do this differently. I have taken time to prepare
and I have worked through the feelings that have come up along the way. I’ve
been praying over my message tonight and asking God to give me the words that
He wants me to say. I have asked Him to give me His heart of compassion for my
audience and His thoughts and feelings toward them. I have had lots of ideas swirling around in my
head and I am paying attention to the ones that God keeps highlighting.
I think that my two main goals are to share my story of
counting gifts and to encourage people who are suffering that they can find
true joy in God, regardless of their circumstances. I know that I am going to
have to at least mention my struggle with singleness. I really don’t want to,
but it is part of my experience of suffering and I want people to have access
to the reality of the painful feelings that I wrestle with. I want them to
encounter a real part of me so that it will be easier for them to respond to
what I have to say about finding joy in Christ through the practice of
gratitude.
I really want people who are hurting to encounter God
tonight. I want them to experience true hope that their feelings can change
even if their troubling circumstances don’t. I want them to know that they are
not alone and Jesus is always more than enough to satisfy our hearts.
If you are going to be in the Rockford area tonight and you
are interested in coming, then I will be speaking at Forest City Fellowship. The
address is 1300 17th Street, Rockford, IL 61104 and the service
starts at 6:30 PM. If you cannot attend, then can I please ask you to pray for
me? I would appreciate that.
Still Counting Gifts:
·
#524: Sleeping in
·
#525: Breakfast with the family
·
#526: When everyone leaves and I have time and
quiet
·
#527: Space for my thoughts and how helpful
chunks of time alone are for my spirit (I have to remember this and build it
into my schedule as a love gift for me.)
·
#528: A babysitting sleepover with my beloved
squishee’s Noah and Kingston
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