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31 Days to Keep a Tender Heart: October 25


I feel sad for trees losing their leaves. They look so exposed and vulnerable with their bare branches.
I felt a bit like that the other day. I don’t spend a lot of time on Facebook, but every once and a while I will look at other people’s pages. A few days ago, I was looking at a friend’s page and I started having some insecure feelings. We graduated high school in the same year and she is only a few months older than me. But, she, unlike me, has been married for a few years and now has a baby.

I was looking at some of her pictures and I started feeling exposed. The questions that I try to avoid asking myself started coming.
Why is everyone my age married? Why do so many of my friends have children already? Why am I so different from all these people? Is my life less than those of people who are married and have kids?

My singleness and my childlessness felt like bare branches whose leaf covering had fallen away.
I wondered what people my age think when they look at my Facebook page. I think that those close to me understand that I am still single and without children because I am waiting on the fullness of God for the provision of these precious gifts.

But, what about everybody else? Are they seeing these gaps in the leaves and wondering why these branches in my life are so bare and empty? Do I seem obsessed with my career because that is where God is cultivating my life right now?
It’s true that I often try to focus conversation on where I do feel successful: my work. I’m desperate to call your attention to the leaves that are on my tree because I fear your judgment where my branches are showing.

But, when I meet new people and the inevitable question of whether or not I’m married with children comes up, I try to answer authentically. I usually say that I haven’t found someone that I want to have children with yet. This is true. And, people tend to be very gracious when I am this honest. They say things like, “That’s wise.” Or, “It’s worth the wait.” Or, “Good for you.”
So, I’m going to try to stand tall the way the trees do and proudly display my leaves and my bare branches. This is the season of life that the LORD has me in, and it is very good.

Still Counting Gifts:
·         #602: The last bits of warm weather before the cold front
·         #603: Green light after green light on my way to work
·         #604: A hurting human heart exposed
·         #605: A fascinating presentation by Pablo Korona at Rockford Rotary Club
·         #606: Watching a storm roll in
·         #607: A song I really wanted to hear played on the radio just before I got out of the car
·         #608: How God keeps giving me pockets of time and how He uses them to nurture my spirit and help me remember to breathe deeply and rest in Him
·         #609: My business is actually God’s business and I can trust Him to have His way
·         #610: The delicious knowledge that I am taking a day off tomorrow and get to go to the apple orchard (finally!)

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