pursuing LOVE...and JOY...and WHOLEHEARTEDNESS!

When we got engaged, my wonderful French friend invited us to spend our honeymoon in France. She owns a small cottage by the sea and a home in the mountains there, as well as a wonderful little condo in Chicago. I've been to France several times, even living there for a semester during college, and I really wanted to bring Ben to visit this country that I love. But, I knew that we would be far too exhausted to enjoy a trip to France just after the feat of planning a wedding. So, I asked my friend if we could use her Chicago condo for our first few days of marriage and save our trip to France for this summer. She graciously accepted. We spent a little over two weeks in France at the beginning of August. It was absolutely delightful and oh so romantic. It was truly a second honeymoon and we felt extremely blessed that the Lord had given us a double portion because our first honeymoon was also so lovely. I found myself comparing this trip to my trip to France for my 30th...

In my life and my work, I experience a lot of tension. I usually find it where things are not as I would like them to be. September has seen lots of extra space in my work week. My beautiful tension is found in receiving these gifts of time in the midst of my desire to have a busy practice. I spend some of the time catching up on tasks that need done, while other moments are spent more leisurely. So many of the people that I see are suffering from painful experiences, past and present, and my challenge is to help them find joy through relationship with God even as they wait for Him to shift their difficult circumstances. There is sadness and anger toward God for allowing them to experience such distress. There is also real comfort as He connects with them in their aching. I want to use my gifts to produce and create even as I experience fatigue and desire rest. I love the work that God has given me to do and still prefer to be on vacation. I want more and I want less. I hav...

I had a dream the other night that I was teaching a class on perception. I was using a children's curriculum and I was adapting it for adults. I wasn't sure exactly what I was going to teach and the class start time kept getting delayed for various reasons. But, I remember how excited I felt about the material. I felt the thrill of discovery over something profound and I was full of anticipation about sharing my findings with other people. One thing that I have been thinking a lot about this month is the presence of both great evil and great love in my heart. This month has been busy for me with activities. As many of you already know, I struggle emotionally when I live at a certain level of activity. It's like the door to ugliness in my heart is thrown wide open. I know that it is not my circumstances that are creating the terrible thoughts and feelings that I discover. They live within me all the time, just waiting for the right person or situation to reveal them. Even...

I'm going to count gifts today. #981: Waking up early without wanting to cry #982: I have met all of my exercise goals for this month #983: AND I still feel excited about my exercise goals for this month #984: Ben fixed my tail-light and I can drive my car without fear of being pulled over #985:  My cute and comfortable red skirt #986: We tried a new soup recipe last week and it turned out really delicious #987: Reading for pleasure #988: The sobering realization, yet again, that I cannot do my job, at all, without deep partnership with God #989: New clients AND familiar clients #990: Baby plants are growing at the farm! #991: I have serious silly-ness hidden within me and Ben knows right where to find it #992: Surprising my parents by installing the new microwave while they were gone #993: Recognizing that knowing how to handle "not getting what you want when you want it" well is one of the most valuable life skills and being able to cultivate it ...

You may be wondering what happened to me during February and March and I have been asking myself that same question recently. There was a lot going on and no time for writing. I had two wonderful opportunities open up. My mom started teaching a Bible study on Heaven on Monday nights and Ben and I were invited to join a group of young couples who were going through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace curriculum on Thursday nights. My mom is a talented teacher of God's word and I have gotten so excited about spending eternity with God in a real place that I can't wait to experience. Financial Peace University (FPU) has been great too and Ben and I are learning some valuable principles and strategies about money, budgeting and savings. But the downside to all of this is that I filled up my only two open nights during the week. Now, I did pause and consider the consequences of my actions before I committed to these two opportunities. I remembered the brutal exhaustion that I ...

I have always been a good student. I think it's partly because I happen to learn the way that most education is offered. The other part is that I work hard to do everything perfectly and please the person that I am working for. What has been less obvious is the incredible pressure that I have struggled with internally as I strive to perform externally. My first instrument was the French Horn. I played the French Horn in 4th and 5th grade. I loved playing as part of a band or an orchestra. But, I strongly disliked carrying my French Horn on the bus to school. It was somewhat heavy and definitely awkward. I had to find an empty seat so that it could sit next to me or risk blocking the aisle because it certainly didn't fit under the seat. Then there was the fear of people judging me for being weird and playing the French Horn that further complicated things. I switched to piano in 6th grade. In my imagination, I played amazingly, with ease and skill. In reality, I stretched ...

Ben got a book of quotes for his birthday. It is entitled: "Don't Forget to Sing in the Lifeboats." It has some fun and interesting quotes and the title always catches my attention. To me, this is a great metaphor for choosing joy despite difficult circumstances. This morning, I found the same quote, in full, at the bottom of my notepad. "Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats." - Voltaire I was nestled into the couch, with my Bible in my lap and my coffee in my hand. I was trying to finish yesterday's reading in Job so that I could get caught up and start on today's reading. But, in the back of my mind, I was actually anxiously contemplating my schedule for today, which is full of appointments and a Rotary lunch meeting. This quote stopped me short. "Life is a shipwreck." As I thought about this statement, I affirmed that this is true, in general. It reminds me of Jesus' words: "In the world you ha...