Skip to main content

Growing Pains...

You may be wondering what happened to me during February and March and I have been asking myself that same question recently. There was a lot going on and no time for writing.


I had two wonderful opportunities open up. My mom started teaching a Bible study on Heaven on Monday nights and Ben and I were invited to join a group of young couples who were going through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace curriculum on Thursday nights. My mom is a talented teacher of God's word and I have gotten so excited about spending eternity with God in a real place that I can't wait to experience. Financial Peace University (FPU) has been great too and Ben and I are learning some valuable principles and strategies about money, budgeting and savings. But the downside to all of this is that I filled up my only two open nights during the week.

Now, I did pause and consider the consequences of my actions before I committed to these two opportunities. I remembered the brutal exhaustion that I lived with in Chicago when it was my custom to keep a packed schedule. I wondered if packing my schedule would tempt me to stuff my feelings down again and stop taking good care of myself physically because there just aren't enough resources to do everything. But, both opportunities felt significant and everything would be said and done in just 11 weeks. I literally thought, "I can handle that schedule for 3 months."

Unfortunately, I was wrong. Full weeks bled into full weekends and my anxious symptoms of headaches, stomach aches and trouble sleeping started to appear. It became really difficult to find time to play the piano and writing stopped completely. Even my work, which I love, started to feel heavier and more wearisome. My feelings finally caught up with me a few weeks ago when I started crying one Tuesday morning and couldn't stop. Fortunately, Ben was home and he comforted me. But, this really got my attention and confirmed to me that I cannot and do not want to live in this frantic way.

Since then, I have tried to slow way down. I'm still committed every night of the week and I want to honor those commitments through the end of this month. But, we aren't scheduling as much for our days off. We are trying to consecrate one full day each week to rest. We are asking God to teach us how to live well and to show us the rhythm that He has designed for our life. I'm making self-care more of a priority, especially getting active and eating better. I'm still having tearful conversations with Ben more often than I would like, but it is such a relief to take care of my feelings well again. I'm making time to write, play the piano, think, breathe and create. I'm excited to look back in another month or so and celebrate how much I've grown.

Still Counting Gifts:

  • #968: This is my 100th blog post. I almost counted them myself because I could not believe that blogger stats was telling me the truth and I have written that many blog posts.
  • #969: Dinner with a friend and being able to be my self
  • #970: The freedom to set my schedule and rest
  • #971: Drinking cold water after a run
  • #972: 
    This piece of art that was given to me for my office and is absolutely lovely!
  • #973: When the temperature starts with a 6
  • #974: The Wounded Heart by Dan B. Allender
  • #975: God providing our first-quarter tax payment!
  • #976: Making summer plans and feeling excitement grow
  • #977: Ben working on his bike
  • #978: Having a whole house to ourselves when my parents are gone on vacation
  • #979: An unexpected visit with my sister in the middle of the day
  • #980: How strong God's grace really is in my weakness

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Back to School

Well, after four years away from school counseling, I have decided to return. Yes, I'm keeping my private practice in counseling. I will be reducing the number of clients that I see on a weekly basis in order to work 20 hours a week as a school counselor at Rockford Christian Elementary School. This comes in the midst of conversations that I have been having with God about desire. In fact, pursuing this position kind of started those conversations. My good friend Mackenzie, who works in the business office at RCS, told me about the position innocently enough. She wanted me to have the information about the position in case I had any counselor friends who might be interested in applying. What neither she nor I could have known, was how desire would stir in my heart as soon as she started to describe it to me. There are things that I have come to absolutely love in private practice counseling. I love being my own boss, setting my own hours and having complete freedom over...
1 comment
Read more

When Creative Desire Stirs

The past 3 months have felt crazy. And during all these months of crazy, busy activity in my life, desire has been stirring in the background of my heart. I read things that other people write and feel myself come alive. I talk with people and hear things that God is speaking and want to write them down and share. I listen to music, sing to the Lord and long to create something that will help other people to connect with God in worship. It has been over two months since I touched our piano. Or any piano, for that matter. This is also my first blog post in almost 3 months. Crazy months, yes. But, 3 months all the same. I feel sad about these things. And scared to start again. What if I have lost everything that I had developed? But even fear of the possible frustration of starting again has not been able to change my desire. My desire has only been stirring and growing all this time. My desire is to resume creating. With piano. With words. This is week 9 of my training for t...
Post a Comment
Read more
Dear Me at 16, First, take a deep breath and try to relax. You're not receiving this letter because you are bad or in trouble. To the contrary, I'm writing to you because I care about you and I know that it's hard for you to let others be caring toward you. You feel exposed and vulnerable, wondering if the person will stumble across all those imperfections that you work so hard to hide. You feel afraid of how they might judge you if they knew how needy, fragile and broken you actually are behind your put-together facade. I want to let you know that it's not your fault that you are this way. At least, it's not entirely your fault. Your desire to encourage and help other people is a wonderful, God-given part of your personality that influences you to put yourself in the position of helper. And this is an important part of how God has made you because it relates to the high calling that He has placed on your life to partner with Him in restoring people. Being t...
Post a Comment
Read more