My first instrument was the French Horn. I played the French Horn in 4th and 5th grade. I loved playing as part of a band or an orchestra. But, I strongly disliked carrying my French Horn on the bus to school. It was somewhat heavy and definitely awkward. I had to find an empty seat so that it could sit next to me or risk blocking the aisle because it certainly didn't fit under the seat. Then there was the fear of people judging me for being weird and playing the French Horn that further complicated things.
I played piano through middle school, high school and all the way into my first year of college. Practicing was even more necessary at that level and I had to record my dates and lengths of practicing in a notebook to show to my instructor. My college courses were more difficult than my high school classes had been and I found that the internal pressure of performing perfectly in all of those classes AND piano was too much. I didn't register for second semester piano.
We still had a piano at home and I can remember sitting down to play for fun after that. It was much more enjoyable than practicing for lessons had ever been, but it didn't happen very often. Years later, when I first got involved in the Rockton House of Prayer and musicians were as rare as gold, I tried to learn how to play music by chords so that I could help out. But, it was a very challenging process for me and around the time that I was moving to start a life in Chicago. I gave up trying after only a few months.
On one end of the emotional spectrum, I am so excited to be playing again and encouraged as I discover that I can play the piano in this creative and different way. On the other end, I am frustrated and exhausted because all of my perfectionism and performance issues are resurfacing in the learning process. I want to learn quickly and play everything correctly the first time. I want Kelli, my instructor, to be pleased with my progress. I want my incredibly creative and musical husband who plays almost every instrument by ear to be impressed by my skill level. I want to be able to hear these "stories" that both of them seem able to hear when they play music. I want to be able to translate ideas into sounds and become an artist by piano. It's exhilarating and devastating. Sometimes I feel proud and other times I'm in tears because I am so frustrated.
What about you? Where is God inviting you into a learning process? Will you trust Him and say yes?
Still Counting Gifts:
- #955: Ben and I bought an old piano and we love it
- #956: Time and space to create
- #957: Our wood-burning stove
- #958: AAA roadside assistance
- #959: Sharing my morning with God and Ben
- #960: Continued opportunities to trust God with my business
- #961: And my finances
- #962: And my fears
- #963: Sharing God's lavish love with other people
- #964: I'm so proud of my mom for going back to work
- #965: I can't wait to visit her at Chick-Fil-A tomorrow
- #966: Wednesday night worship and prayer at R2HOP
- #967: God offers His wisdom when I have no idea what to say to the person in my office