Skip to main content

What do I fix my eyes on?


Do you ever notice themes popping up in your daily life and wonder if God is saying something?

You read something that stands out to you and then you hear a song reinforcing the same message. You find this topic coming up in conversations throughout the day. Maybe you even see it appearing in your newsfeed on social media. Your heart moves a little bit every time you see or hear this theme.








This has been happening to me this week. The theme is actually a question: What are your eyes fixed on?

I'm preparing to lead See You At The Pole at my school tomorrow and the theme is Fix Your Eyes. It comes from Hebrews 12:2 which encourages us to fix our eyes on Jesus and follow his example in how we handle difficulties and suffering.

Then, I read this amazing blog post this morning by Sharon Hodde Miller about how being a people-pleaser and addicted to approval ultimately causes you to become completely self-focused. (Check out When the Self-Help Gospel Isn't Helping You Anymore on www.annvoskamp.com.) Though I consider myself in recovery for this addiction, a lot of what she wrote still rang true for me. I started to ask myself, "What am I fixing my eyes on?"

I've also been listening obsessively to Kristene DiMarco's new album, Where His Light Was. The lyrics to her second song, Fear Not, started shouting to me:

Remember all I told you
Remember all I said 
When the questions start arising 
Keep your eyes fixed straight ahead 
Hold on tightly to the promise 
Hold firmly to the truth 
That I love you
Oh I love you

I would like to tell you that my eyes are firmly fixed on the Jesus who modeled humble surrender to God's leadership when he went to the cross because of the joy set before Him. And, the truth is that my eyes often are fixed on Him. But, that is not their natural inclination.

My eyes naturally focus on me: How am I doing? Do these people like me? Do they think that I'm doing a good job as a mom/wife/counselor/housekeeper/friend/person/human being? How could I be better? How could I feel more sure to earn and keep their approval? How can I feel safe from any possible chance of rejection or judgment? How can I justify my behavior if I find that I may have come off as judgmental, selfish, silly, irresponsible, immature, or unkind? How can I get their reassurance that I'm OK and I'm doing life OK without directly admitting that I want or need it??!!

Right about here is when I realize that I am craving an approval fix.

I am back in the throes of addiction and all that I can see or think about is how to get my fix.

This is also the moment where Jesus lovingly invites me to fix my eyes back on Him. He gives me grace to deny my craving and to allow His approval to be the only thing that satisfies me.

Sometimes, I have to do this all. day. long.

Other times, I enjoy the absence of that craving and the peace of living my real life as my real self without thought about what others may think.

In both cases, I appreciate God's loving reminder about my eyes and being careful about what they fix themselves on.

So, what are you fixing your eyes on?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Back to School

Well, after four years away from school counseling, I have decided to return. Yes, I'm keeping my private practice in counseling. I will be reducing the number of clients that I see on a weekly basis in order to work 20 hours a week as a school counselor at Rockford Christian Elementary School. This comes in the midst of conversations that I have been having with God about desire. In fact, pursuing this position kind of started those conversations. My good friend Mackenzie, who works in the business office at RCS, told me about the position innocently enough. She wanted me to have the information about the position in case I had any counselor friends who might be interested in applying. What neither she nor I could have known, was how desire would stir in my heart as soon as she started to describe it to me. There are things that I have come to absolutely love in private practice counseling. I love being my own boss, setting my own hours and having complete freedom over...
1 comment
Read more

When Creative Desire Stirs

The past 3 months have felt crazy. And during all these months of crazy, busy activity in my life, desire has been stirring in the background of my heart. I read things that other people write and feel myself come alive. I talk with people and hear things that God is speaking and want to write them down and share. I listen to music, sing to the Lord and long to create something that will help other people to connect with God in worship. It has been over two months since I touched our piano. Or any piano, for that matter. This is also my first blog post in almost 3 months. Crazy months, yes. But, 3 months all the same. I feel sad about these things. And scared to start again. What if I have lost everything that I had developed? But even fear of the possible frustration of starting again has not been able to change my desire. My desire has only been stirring and growing all this time. My desire is to resume creating. With piano. With words. This is week 9 of my training for t...
Post a Comment
Read more

31 Days to Keep a Tender Heart: October 18

  Always be joyful. Keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. I Thessalonians 5:16-18 Ann Voskamp quoted this passage in her blog recently. Then, I read it in my one-year Bible for October 12. Seeing it twice within a week caught my attention. Verse 16 is: Always be joyful. This sounds like a command to me and I don’t think God would command us to do something we can’t do. If He tells me to always be joyful, then I believe that it is always possible for me to be joyful and that this is what God desires for me. Verse 17 is: Keep on praying. I hear another command. And, it follows the first one, which I understand to mean that prayer is related to being joyful. The joy provokes the prayer; the prayer sustains the joy, or both. Either way, I like how God has placed these two directives right next to each other. Verse 18: No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for ...
Post a Comment
Read more