Skip to main content

What do I fix my eyes on?


Do you ever notice themes popping up in your daily life and wonder if God is saying something?

You read something that stands out to you and then you hear a song reinforcing the same message. You find this topic coming up in conversations throughout the day. Maybe you even see it appearing in your newsfeed on social media. Your heart moves a little bit every time you see or hear this theme.








This has been happening to me this week. The theme is actually a question: What are your eyes fixed on?

I'm preparing to lead See You At The Pole at my school tomorrow and the theme is Fix Your Eyes. It comes from Hebrews 12:2 which encourages us to fix our eyes on Jesus and follow his example in how we handle difficulties and suffering.

Then, I read this amazing blog post this morning by Sharon Hodde Miller about how being a people-pleaser and addicted to approval ultimately causes you to become completely self-focused. (Check out When the Self-Help Gospel Isn't Helping You Anymore on www.annvoskamp.com.) Though I consider myself in recovery for this addiction, a lot of what she wrote still rang true for me. I started to ask myself, "What am I fixing my eyes on?"

I've also been listening obsessively to Kristene DiMarco's new album, Where His Light Was. The lyrics to her second song, Fear Not, started shouting to me:

Remember all I told you
Remember all I said 
When the questions start arising 
Keep your eyes fixed straight ahead 
Hold on tightly to the promise 
Hold firmly to the truth 
That I love you
Oh I love you

I would like to tell you that my eyes are firmly fixed on the Jesus who modeled humble surrender to God's leadership when he went to the cross because of the joy set before Him. And, the truth is that my eyes often are fixed on Him. But, that is not their natural inclination.

My eyes naturally focus on me: How am I doing? Do these people like me? Do they think that I'm doing a good job as a mom/wife/counselor/housekeeper/friend/person/human being? How could I be better? How could I feel more sure to earn and keep their approval? How can I feel safe from any possible chance of rejection or judgment? How can I justify my behavior if I find that I may have come off as judgmental, selfish, silly, irresponsible, immature, or unkind? How can I get their reassurance that I'm OK and I'm doing life OK without directly admitting that I want or need it??!!

Right about here is when I realize that I am craving an approval fix.

I am back in the throes of addiction and all that I can see or think about is how to get my fix.

This is also the moment where Jesus lovingly invites me to fix my eyes back on Him. He gives me grace to deny my craving and to allow His approval to be the only thing that satisfies me.

Sometimes, I have to do this all. day. long.

Other times, I enjoy the absence of that craving and the peace of living my real life as my real self without thought about what others may think.

In both cases, I appreciate God's loving reminder about my eyes and being careful about what they fix themselves on.

So, what are you fixing your eyes on?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Transition

 It's snowing outside my window. It just started to stick a little bit. I can see it on the trees and covering the leaves. This is the first snow of the season. It means change is coming. Fall coats are no longer be sufficient. Hats, scarves and gloves become a part of my daily wardrobe. My car needs time to warm up and I should fill up with gas when it gets down to 1/4 tank. I really like this time of year. Fall is ending and winter is coming. I like snuggling in front of a fire and wearing sweaters. I like drinking hot chocolate, apple cider and spice tea, in addition to my usual coffee consumption. I like Thanksgiving, the holiday and the practice. While I welcome this change in season, I am so aware of how I am struggling in my own transition. I have spent several hours contacting insurance companies to change my name now that I am doing business as Jody Striker, LCPC. Ben is still collecting our things from the various places where we have been storing them. Th
1 comment
Read more

How do I like being married?

People keep asking me how I like being married. I get it. I’m adjusting to a major life transition. People are excited for me and this is an easy way for them to enter into my joy. They ask this question and I start gushing. I say that I love it. It’s wonderful. Yes, we’re settling in well, there in the basement of my parents house. I may mention that Ben has been hanging things in our room and brought furniture out of storage to make our space more like home. If the conversation lasts long enough and becomes more intimate, I may even tell them that some of my favorite things are when we pray together in the morning and he makes me coffee to help me wake up. I like when we fall asleep with hands and toes just barely touching; in our space, but still nearby. I like calling him my husband and hearing him say that I’m his wife. Being married has been wonderfully different and also surprisingly the same. My life at work, for example, feels exactly like it did before I w
1 comment
Read more

3 weeks ago today

I got married three weeks ago today. I’ve been thinking a lot about our wedding since that day. This was my first week back to work, which meant that I got to talk a lot about that day and show pictures, because everything is still fresh and new and people are anxious to know how it went. I have missed writing. Several times during our honeymoon, I almost grabbed my laptop because I had the urge to write. I never did, but I wanted to. I think that it felt too intimate to record in some ways. And, in others, I was just enjoying being lazy and carefree. I plan to write about what I remember from my wedding. (Maybe even some things from our honeymoon. We shall see…) I don’t know what I will share, but I want to make a record of my memories and experiences from that day. Just three weeks later, but the feelings are less vivid and the mental pictures are less crisp. Fortunately, our photographer did an amazing job and I am thankful that I have those images to remind me.
2 comments
Read more