Tuesday, May 12, 2015

God is my peace

There's a phrase that I keep praying, over and over again. God is my peace. Breathe in. Breathe out. God is my peace.

It came when I was feeling out of control of our finances, again. I was looking at the amounts in each of our accounts, thinking through all of our anticipated expenses for this month, and feeling a strong sense of fear. I was thinking back on when we took Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace class and how hard I have tried to use these principles so that we can have peace in our finances. I was feeling frustrated with God for not blessing my use of these principles and giving me financial peace when I heard Him say, "Jody, I want to be your peace."

It stopped me in the middle of my frantic thought. I felt God's invitation and His strong affection for me. I felt understood in my strong desire, need even, to feel peace in my finances. I felt His tender response and strong desire to answer my strong request. I remembered that God has always been faithful to provide exactly what we need. I felt His affirmation that He would continue to richly provide for our every need. I decided to say yes to His invitation.

I started praying, God is my peace, when I balanced our checkbook each week and paid bills. I kept praying it, with even greater passion, as I thought about how we have just over a month left before our second quarter tax payment is due. Over and over again, God is my peace.

Then, I started to pray this over other areas of my life. This is where things get really exciting because I really don't have much control over much in my life and I need a lot of peace.

God is my peace. He is how my fear will diminish. He is how I will continue to calmly breathe in and God is my peace as I prepare to launch a pilot support group at work and as I engage my creativity through writing and playing the piano.
out. God is who will make it possible for me to courageously step out into new opportunities.

God is my peace as I learn to live fully alive and full of desire, rather than out of fear and a desire to ensure safety and comfort.

God is my peace when I'm comparing myself to you and feeling less than enough. He is my calm when I'm feeling failure and rejection. God is my peace when I'm wishing I had done better or tried harder.

God is my peace when we're working together and you're hurting or doubting and I don't have any good answers for why you're experiencing what you're experiencing. He is my peace when you're regressing and depression, anxiety or both are threatening to consume you and my prayers for you don't seem to amount to anything.

God is my peace when I'm positive that I need to prepare myself for the very worst because it's going to happen and I don't want to risk that crushing disappointment. He is the quiet confidence that makes it possible for me to trust that even if the worst happens, He will be enough for me.

All day long, this is what I'm praying: God is my peace. Because I want to believe it and feel it. I want to know, by experience, that it's true. I want to learn to let this truth govern my thoughts and feelings. I want to develop a habit of letting God quiet and comfort me by confessing this over myself.

God is my peace. 

What are you praying?

Still Counting Gifts:
  • #1079: When I was spitting mad this morning and took off running, fast and hard, because I wanted to get far, far away.
  • #1080: When the miles, the music and quiet conversation with God kept me running hard and fast so that I could get back home and make things right with you
  • #1081: That I can desire repentance and it's available to me
  • #1082: God wants me to know and believe Him
  • #1083: Ben made breakfast for me this morning
  • #1084: Fun connecting with my family on Mother's Day
  • #1085: I have a purple toe nail that I view as a running badge of courage
  • #1086: Several opportunities to engage in prayer for our region in the past week

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