Skip to main content

Self-Esteem

Almost everyone I see in my practice is experiencing insecurity and frail self-esteem, in at least one area of their lives. Even those of us who like to think of ourselves as basically emotionally healthy can find weaknesses in our worth and qualities possessed by others that we find superior to our own. Without an unshakable foundation to hold us up through comparison, the risk of rejection and unmet expectations, we will crumple under feelings of failure, disappointment and shame.

Only God, who is perfect in love and knowledge, can give us a self-esteem that will last. Only He, who knows us completely, and so intimately, can say that we are delightful and be believed. We need His love and truth to persuade us that we are beloved in order to feel that loved with ourselves and everyone else.

God says that we are dark, but lovely. He uniquely sees our struggle with sin, doubt and fear. He knows who He has made each of us to be and how far each of us actually is from that person. But still, He loves us and gives us worth. God defines us as lovely even in our brokenness and the places where we are stretching and growing into our true selves.

Our only hope for healthy self-esteem is found in relationship with God. We cannot depend on the people around us, even those closest to us, to build up our sense of worth because other people can only confirm what we already believe. We need Gods love to come into our hearts and to convince us to love ourselves. We need Scriptures to show us how God sees us and to tell us how He values us. We need dynamic relationship with Him, so that when we have a bad day or believe that we are anything less than God's beloved one, then we can return to the safety and comfort of intimacy with Him to be reassured of what is really true about us.

Verses:
  • The Lord appeared to him from afar, saying, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness.” (Jeremiah 31:3)
  • I am very dark, but lovely... (Song of Solomon 1:5)
  • You are altogether beautiful, my darling, and there is no blemish in you. (Song of Solomon 4:7)
  • As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love (John 15:9)
Action:

  • Ask the Holy Spirit to let you see what He sees and to feel what He feels when He looks at you
  • Pray-read Bible verses about God's love for you and ask Him to help you believe them
  • Remind yourself of the truth by saying phrases like this to yourself:
    • “I am beloved by God”
    • “God calls me lovely”
    • “God wants me to be able to abide in His love”

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

3 weeks ago today

I got married three weeks ago today. I’ve been thinking a lot about our wedding since that day. This was my first week back to work, which meant that I got to talk a lot about that day and show pictures, because everything is still fresh and new and people are anxious to know how it went. I have missed writing. Several times during our honeymoon, I almost grabbed my laptop because I had the urge to write. I never did, but I wanted to. I think that it felt too intimate to record in some ways. And, in others, I was just enjoying being lazy and carefree. I plan to write about what I remember from my wedding. (Maybe even some things from our honeymoon. We shall see…) I don’t know what I will share, but I want to make a record of my memories and experiences from that day. Just three weeks later, but the feelings are less vivid and the mental pictures are less crisp. Fortunately, our photographer did an amazing job and I am thankful that I have those images to remind me....
2 comments
Read more

Back to School

Well, after four years away from school counseling, I have decided to return. Yes, I'm keeping my private practice in counseling. I will be reducing the number of clients that I see on a weekly basis in order to work 20 hours a week as a school counselor at Rockford Christian Elementary School. This comes in the midst of conversations that I have been having with God about desire. In fact, pursuing this position kind of started those conversations. My good friend Mackenzie, who works in the business office at RCS, told me about the position innocently enough. She wanted me to have the information about the position in case I had any counselor friends who might be interested in applying. What neither she nor I could have known, was how desire would stir in my heart as soon as she started to describe it to me. There are things that I have come to absolutely love in private practice counseling. I love being my own boss, setting my own hours and having complete freedom over...
1 comment
Read more

Wow, it’s March already

I haven’t written anything during the whole month of February. I thought about writing several different things, but never got around to it. I had ideas and I made plans. Unfortunately, they were never realized. It has been a busy month. I got engaged two weeks ago. Ben did an amazing job of surprising me by proposing at 9 PM on a Thursday night, when I thought we were going outside to start my car so I could go home. We stood on the exact spot where we first met in October of 2010, outside what was the barn at Anderson Organic farm, and remembered that first day. He offered me a chocolate, I discovered a ring hidden in the box, he got down on one knee and there were fireworks. (Yes, actual fireworks!) So, we’re getting married in September and I’m excited, but also overwhelmed by all the change and planning. In addition to such a significant change in my personal life, I’m preparing to make some major changes in my professional life. I will continue counseling because I lo...
1 comment
Read more