Skip to main content

Self-Esteem

Almost everyone I see in my practice is experiencing insecurity and frail self-esteem, in at least one area of their lives. Even those of us who like to think of ourselves as basically emotionally healthy can find weaknesses in our worth and qualities possessed by others that we find superior to our own. Without an unshakable foundation to hold us up through comparison, the risk of rejection and unmet expectations, we will crumple under feelings of failure, disappointment and shame.

Only God, who is perfect in love and knowledge, can give us a self-esteem that will last. Only He, who knows us completely, and so intimately, can say that we are delightful and be believed. We need His love and truth to persuade us that we are beloved in order to feel that loved with ourselves and everyone else.

God says that we are dark, but lovely. He uniquely sees our struggle with sin, doubt and fear. He knows who He has made each of us to be and how far each of us actually is from that person. But still, He loves us and gives us worth. God defines us as lovely even in our brokenness and the places where we are stretching and growing into our true selves.

Our only hope for healthy self-esteem is found in relationship with God. We cannot depend on the people around us, even those closest to us, to build up our sense of worth because other people can only confirm what we already believe. We need Gods love to come into our hearts and to convince us to love ourselves. We need Scriptures to show us how God sees us and to tell us how He values us. We need dynamic relationship with Him, so that when we have a bad day or believe that we are anything less than God's beloved one, then we can return to the safety and comfort of intimacy with Him to be reassured of what is really true about us.

Verses:
  • The Lord appeared to him from afar, saying, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness.” (Jeremiah 31:3)
  • I am very dark, but lovely... (Song of Solomon 1:5)
  • You are altogether beautiful, my darling, and there is no blemish in you. (Song of Solomon 4:7)
  • As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love (John 15:9)
Action:

  • Ask the Holy Spirit to let you see what He sees and to feel what He feels when He looks at you
  • Pray-read Bible verses about God's love for you and ask Him to help you believe them
  • Remind yourself of the truth by saying phrases like this to yourself:
    • “I am beloved by God”
    • “God calls me lovely”
    • “God wants me to be able to abide in His love”

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

3 weeks ago today

I got married three weeks ago today. I’ve been thinking a lot about our wedding since that day. This was my first week back to work, which meant that I got to talk a lot about that day and show pictures, because everything is still fresh and new and people are anxious to know how it went. I have missed writing. Several times during our honeymoon, I almost grabbed my laptop because I had the urge to write. I never did, but I wanted to. I think that it felt too intimate to record in some ways. And, in others, I was just enjoying being lazy and carefree. I plan to write about what I remember from my wedding. (Maybe even some things from our honeymoon. We shall see…) I don’t know what I will share, but I want to make a record of my memories and experiences from that day. Just three weeks later, but the feelings are less vivid and the mental pictures are less crisp. Fortunately, our photographer did an amazing job and I am thankful that I have those images to remind me....
2 comments
Read more

Praying is what I do

Isn't it encouraging when God reminds you of who you are and what it is that He has called you to do?! When I was at Fire in the Night, I prayed a lot and I loved it. I realized that I really have been created as an intercessor and that is my primary mandate. Now, I am also really gifted in counseling and helping people, but that's second. Praying is what I do first. This is what I was made for: to encounter God through prayer. I cry out to Him and He answers. I quiet myself and listen to Him speak to me too. My time at IHOP-KC affirmed this prayer calling and started me down the path to living as a committed intercessor in a HOP. It's been almost a year since I did Fire in the Night and I have started reversing my mandates again. You see, I had wrongly made counseling my primary mandate way back in graduate school. And, I had continued this way for years until I got completely burnt out. The snatches of time that I would get in the prayer room when I was home from Chi...
Post a Comment
Read more

Unfairly blessed

I have been feeling ridiculously blessed in the past week. I actually broke down when I was talking with my sister one night because it felt unfair that God is blessing me so extravagantly while other people I know and love are hard at work counting blessings because they are tempted to think that they aren't really receiving any at all. One of the things that I love about counting blessings is that it helps each of us to recognize just how blessed we really are. But, it is still painful when certain people seem to have everything come so easily to them and I think that I am continually going without. It's also hard when I have identified myself an unfairly unblessed person for so long and only recently, I have been trying to make the change to seeing myself as richly blessed. It feels awkward and scary. While it's true that my biggest unanswered prayer of finding a godly man to share my life with still hasn't been fulfilled, I have become that person who has things com...
2 comments
Read more