Skip to main content

Looking back and then ahead

I'm trying to get back into writing a blog post once a week.

I think that Fall prompts me to write because I first started posting to a blog in the fall of 2011. I was an intern with the Fire in the Night program at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City. Several people were supporting me financially and many more were praying for me to encounter God in that season. I kept an almost daily record of what I was learning and shared it through my blog.

Here is a quote from my post three years ago:

In the notes today, Mike Bickle suggests the following identity and my heart really resonated:
Our primary identity (value/success) is found in who we are in our intimacy with God which consists of being loved by God and in being a lover of God. I confess, "I am loved (by God) and I am a lover (to God/others) therefore, I am successful." We find our identity or success in being desired by God and in loving Him instead of seeking our primary value in how much we accomplish or the impact we make. Our primary identity is not what we do with our hands but what we pursue with our hearts. (http://jody-fitn.blogspot.com/2011/10/day-9.html)

I was startled and encouraged to read this again today because it is three years later and I am still thinking a lot about the issue of how I define my identity and how I struggle with my insecurities.

I have realized, in celebrating my first anniversary, that I thought that being married would help me to feel more secure in my worth and desirability. Ben is very affectionate and affirming. I believe that he is sincere when he compliments me and tells me that he loves me. I also struggle with doubt about whether or not he is really happy that he chose me. I sometimes wonder if he enjoys me as much as I enjoy him, or if he is just a really faithful, loving guy who is committed to his wedding vows.

It has been scary for me to realize that Ben is doing everything that a supportive and loving husband can do and it is not enough for me to feel secure in my self. It has been intimidating to understand that the only solution is for me to continue to grow in my ability to receive and contain love from God so that I can believe it when other people treat me the same way. It has been humbling to discover that I, an experienced counselor, struggle just as much, if not more, than some of my clients do with insecurities.

In the almost three years that I have had a private practice in counseling, I have worked with a lot of different people. A lot of these people struggle with the same things that I do related to identity, self-esteem and insecurity. I think that God has given me some wonderful insight into how He wants to develop our identity and build up our healthy self-esteem. So much of it goes back to what I was learning during my internship three years ago. I am hoping to start sharing some of it here as I recommit myself to cultivating healthy identity and self-esteem in God.

I'm not going to link these posts to my Facebook page, like I usually do. I'm also not going to count gifts at the end. I am going to copy journal entries and try to provide information in meaningful chunks. I am going to be flexible in what I cover. I will also try to stick to the topics of self-esteem, insecurities and handling related thoughts and feelings. So, if you're interested, then please check back in the next few weeks and look for these new and different posts.

I didn't post anything on this date last year, but I did post on October 6, 2012. Here is the link to that post: http://jody-pursuinglove.blogspot.com/2012/10/31days-to-keep-tender-heart-october-6.html

Still Counting Gifts:

  • #1024: New clients and opportunities to partner with God in encouragement
  • #1025: The grand opening of Rockford Roasting Company 
  • #1026: The most delicious vanilla latte that I have ever consumed (found above)
  • #1027: A day trip with Ben to Port Washington
  • #1028: Enjoying his delight over Duluth Trading Company
  • #1029: A fresh baked cake to celebrate our first anniversary 
  • #1030: A 2 and half hour nap, even though it kept me from falling asleep later
  • #1031: Reading aloud to Ben and discovering books together

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

3 weeks ago today

I got married three weeks ago today. I’ve been thinking a lot about our wedding since that day. This was my first week back to work, which meant that I got to talk a lot about that day and show pictures, because everything is still fresh and new and people are anxious to know how it went. I have missed writing. Several times during our honeymoon, I almost grabbed my laptop because I had the urge to write. I never did, but I wanted to. I think that it felt too intimate to record in some ways. And, in others, I was just enjoying being lazy and carefree. I plan to write about what I remember from my wedding. (Maybe even some things from our honeymoon. We shall see…) I don’t know what I will share, but I want to make a record of my memories and experiences from that day. Just three weeks later, but the feelings are less vivid and the mental pictures are less crisp. Fortunately, our photographer did an amazing job and I am thankful that I have those images to remind me....
2 comments
Read more

Unfairly blessed

I have been feeling ridiculously blessed in the past week. I actually broke down when I was talking with my sister one night because it felt unfair that God is blessing me so extravagantly while other people I know and love are hard at work counting blessings because they are tempted to think that they aren't really receiving any at all. One of the things that I love about counting blessings is that it helps each of us to recognize just how blessed we really are. But, it is still painful when certain people seem to have everything come so easily to them and I think that I am continually going without. It's also hard when I have identified myself an unfairly unblessed person for so long and only recently, I have been trying to make the change to seeing myself as richly blessed. It feels awkward and scary. While it's true that my biggest unanswered prayer of finding a godly man to share my life with still hasn't been fulfilled, I have become that person who has things com...
2 comments
Read more

My Arbonne Story - A journey of discovery

You guys, drum roll, please... I have become an Independent Consultant with Arbonne! This is a big change for me and I am SO, so excited for this opportunity. But, no one seems to be as surprised as I am by this development. Most of the people that I have told have said something like, "That makes sense." Or, "I can see you doing that."This has gotten me reflecting on what has been emerging in me that is facilitating this transition. And, how does what seems like such a discovery to me seem so logical to everyone else?! I have been an Arbonne groupie for several years now. I absolutely love their product! Every time they come out with something new and I get to try it, I end up wanting it. I have hosted several parties and I have thoroughly enjoyed introducing other people to all of the amazing products that I have been enjoying, but I never considered becoming a consultant. Recently, something shifted for me. I was at a party and I felt really stirred w...
Post a Comment
Read more