New seasons are exploding in my life.
I’ve got blue paint under my finger nails from preparing the
new office and only two more days left in the old one. I have stacks of paper
that will help me change my business address with all the insurance networks
and folders crammed with all the pink progress notes that are coming with me. I
know that I will have a chair, my desk and a loveseat to welcome my first
client at 8:15 AM on Monday morning, but I’m not sure if anything else will be
set up by then. I hope that all of my clients will be able to make it across
the street and remember to call my new business number instead of the old one.
I’m really excited about this next season in my professional life, but worried
that I have loose ends that aren’t tied up.
92 days until I marry Ben and we still have to print
invitations, finalize our menu and find somewhere to live. We’re praying that
the weather will be sunny and beautiful because I really don’t want to spend
$1500 just to have a tent and it will be tight if it rains and we have to cram
all of our guests into the greenhouse off the barn. Ben and I are having long
conversations and considering such things as whether or not to do a first look,
when the groom sees the bride before the wedding, if we want to pick our own
lavender, what kind of music we want and how many different cheeses we should
offer.
These are two huge transitions happening in my life at the
same time. I’m happy and eagerly anticipating these changes. But, I have
moments where I feel frantic. I get really irritated at Ben for minuscule
things and find myself holding back tears because I’m so embarrassed and
frustrated by the ridiculous things upsetting me. All of the details of moving
my office and planning a wedding overwhelm me and I feel small and vulnerable.
One of the things that God has me working on is learning how
to run into the love of God when I feel afraid. I find that my tendency in
these situations is to exert my strength through increasing my control over
people and circumstances. Unfortunately, this only serves to increase my
anxiety, which demands greater control. About the time that I’m having trouble
breathing deeply, calming racing thoughts and relaxing the muscles in my head,
neck and shoulders, I realize that fear and control have made a prisoner out of
me. When I cry out to God to come and rescue me, He does. Every time. But, I
want to do better than that. I want to let God teach me to run to Him when I’m
afraid instead of exerting my control. I want to let His perfect love drive out
all my fears and calm down my soul.
Let me be honest. This is happening on a daily basis right
now. It’s happened at least 3 times today that I can think of. I’m afraid and
my brain starts analyzing how I can fix my problem. Fortunately, the Holy
Spirit has been gently, but firmly encouraging me to run to God instead of
running my brain. I’m discovering that God’s peace is possible, even in the
midst of crazy amounts of life transition.
Still Counting Gifts:
·
#791: Huge, white, fluffy clouds posed
beautifully in the sky
·
#792: A full day of sun after 6 days of
torrential rain
·
#793: God’s provision of beautiful weather for
Karyn’s wedding in the midst of all that rain
·
#794: Delightful visits with extended family and
good friends
·
#795: Painting with Ben
·
#796: Grace to finish well
·
#797: New beginnings
·
#798: Carrot cake
·
#799: I finally got my real ring and I love it!
·
#800: Watching Lily swim in our back yard when
it was full of rain water
·
#801: Dinner with mom and Ava
·
#802: Blogging from home for a change
·
#803: We really are making progress on wedding
planning
·
#804: Supernatural strength and wisdom for
challenging work situations
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