We don't play a lot of Monopoly in my family. I think that this is due, in part, to the fact that it's my dad's least favorite game and we like to stick to things that everyone enjoys. Despite my lack of experience with this game, I do remember how precious those get-out-of-jail-free cards seemed. I felt immensely thankful any time I pulled one and I would set it ever so carefully at the center of my area. My anxiety about landing myself in jail was greatly reduced because of that little card and I enjoyed a chance to be anxiety free about anything, even Monopoly.
Recently, I have been wanting out of the process that God has me in, to grow and to change me. I have been wishing for a get-out-of-the-process-free card that I can use in my life.
This really isn't a new desire for me. I've been wanting out of the process for a long time in several areas of my life. When I was working at the lycée, I wanted to be in private practice counseling and at the House of Prayer. When I was living in Chicago, I wanted to be living in Rockford. When I quit my job, I missed the structure and stability of working. When I was building my private practice, I wished that I was already working full-time. Now, I work full-time and I find myself wishing that I could work part-time, but make full-time money.
I always want something more, which is just outside of my reach. I want permission to skip ahead to the part of the process where I receive what I desire and the hard work of developing skills that I don't have and strengthening feeble muscles is done. I find myself whining to God about how hard parts of this season are and asking Him to take me straight to the end.
God reminds me of the baby bird who must fight his way out of his shell. If it is helped, then it will not survive. It will literally not have the strength that it needs to live. The baby bird prepares for life and develops critical muscles in the process of getting out of the shell.
God reminds me that I can be a lot like a baby bird and He is trying to prepare me for life and equip me with all that I need. He chooses to do this through giving me the process. I can choose to quit or avoid it, but I will not be able to live in fullness of joy in His presence the way that I want to unless I press through and receive the process as part of His gift to me. I will miss gifts of strength and blessing that God wants to give me if I choose to reject the process.
So, today, I choose to thank God for all my weak places, underdeveloped skills and feeble muscles. I choose to hold out my hand for His and ask Him to lead me on the journey and guide me in my process of growth and life.
Still Counting Gifts:
- #675: I am not finished, but God is faithful to finish the good work He has started in me
- #676: I am still able to run, even after 2 weeks off
- #677: My feelings of frustration and impatience as I engage in the process God has given me
- #678: The way God comforts my heart and gently leads me
- #679: Space in my schedule to breathe and live
- #680: Ideas of things that I want to write about
- #681: Praying ekballo every day
- #682: A fresh desire and motivation to memorize Scriptures
- #683: Time with just my sister