Skip to main content

Learning to feel...Again

November has been a crazy, busy month. Again. In looking back, I discovered that I only posted once in November last year and the year before. Apparently, my life in November tends to distract me from writing. Anyways...

I'm back and reflecting on what has been happening since I last blogged, in October. Some of the noteworthy events:

  • I attended a seminar on Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and The Allender Center's Intimate Mystery marriage conference. 
  • I baked three batches of delicious pumpkin bars using real pumpkin from Ben's farm
  • Ben and I bought my granddad's 2005 Toyota Prius after he passed away (Bittersweet because of his passing and the fact that I will stop driving the Saturn wagon that I bought from him and my grandmems after she stopped driving in 2003. I have driven that beloved car for 11 1/2 years and 160,000 miles.)
  • Ben and I discovered the perfect cigar chair for my office while wandering the stores of Lake Geneva, WI after our marriage conference.
  • We hosted an amazing group of people connected with the Rock River House of Prayer at our house for a fun Sunday afternoon.

The seminar and marriage conference have probably affected me most. The seminar focused on attachment, which I love and find so powerful in our human relational experience, and how couples in conflict struggle in their feelings of secure attachment to each other. My goal and challenge as a therapist is to help couples and families to move through their anger to more primary feelings of hurt, fear and loss, and to be able to communicate those feelings in a clear and calm way, rather than in their usual negative cycle, so that they can connect more securely and begin to handle conflict differently.

Dan Allender's marriage conference was intense and amazing. His challenge to commit to a no-contempt marriage and to being your authentic self with your spouse resonated deeply within me. He also talked about attachment and connecting in marriage in the way that God wants to connect with us, His people. Dan presents marriage as a noble quest that gives you tastes of Heaven and Hell along the way to growing in intimacy with God and your spouse.

Professionally, I feel awed and inspired once more to engage with my clients in a way that helps them to let God heal their attachment problems and to find enjoyment in their relationships and lives. I'm asking God questions again about who He has made me to be and what He has gifted me to do.

Personally, I am discovering that I have lots of deep and strong feelings that I usually avoid when I am emotionally connected with Ben. I feel a mixture of shame and fear towards these feelings within me. I am afraid that my feelings are excessive and that Ben or others will judge me for having them. I then shame myself for having these "wrong" feelings and try to stop them so that I can be OK again. When God, Ben and other loving people extend me grace and love instead of rejection and disapproval, I have a hard time receiving it because I am so sure that I don't deserve it.

God is teaching me how to feel again and how to stay connected with my feelings in the context of relationship. He is helping me to respond well when I am gripped by disappointment, hurt or anger. God is showing me that I can express these feelings without being ruled by them and that allowing love to come into my heart is soothing in these moments. He is giving me courage to break down and cry with Ben, instead of by myself in the car. I feel a bit wild with emotions in this season, but I am excited to be fully alive and capable of experiencing the entire range of human emotions.

Still Counting Gifts:

  • #1041: A fun afternoon with my nephew Kingston on Saturday
  • #1042: Peet's coffee
  • #1043: A weekend away in Lake Geneva, WI and sleeping in a king-size bed
  • #1044: Dinner with friends and real-heart conversations
  • #1045: Having a hopeful heart and experiencing God's comfort in disappointment
  • #1046: Getting to drive my mom to the airport when she was flying to say good-bye to her dad
  • #1047: Being back at Trinity for the first time since I graduated in 2006
  • #1048: Our Prius :)
  • #1049: How God loved and connected with me when I was struggling
  • #1050: How Ben loves me extravagantly (On Friday, he dropped off the Prius for me to drive home once it was insured and the plates were on. He then drove to Lake Geneva to purchase the chair for my office and moved it in once I finished work. Finally, he went home and cooked a delicious dinner. My husband is incredible!)
  • #1051: We are flying to North Dakota this weekend to visit Ben's sweet family and celebrate Thanksgiving!
  • #1052: Getting my sister to pick out outfits for me so that packing is easier
  • #1053: Homemade pizza

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Heart Revival

Hey you guys,

It's been almost two years since my last post. What?!

I know some of you probably forgot that I even used to do this, but I hope that you're as excited as I am that I'm coming back to blogging. It's a new season and God has been stirring up lots of creativity and courage in me recently. I'm happy to tell you all about it.

In case you missed it, I became a mom to sweet Elias last summer. In fact, he is about to turn 1 year old on Monday and I can't believe it! Guys, he is absolutely the sweetest, calmest and most delightful baby you can ever imagine and I still tear up sometimes in gratitude when I remember that he is my little boy.

One of my life dreams to be a stay-at-home mama has been partially fulfilled in that I only work three days a week during the school year. I work 2 1/2 days at RCS Elementary School and it is an amazing place. Shortly after I got there, they put me in charge of the two chapel services that happen each week. Guess what? …

Transition, transition, transition

Wow, it's already the middle of September! This past month has flown by for me.









I just finished my fifth week of the new school year.

I am loving The Quiet Collection by Emily P Freeman to help me have a sane September. (This blog post appearing is a partial fruit from one of those devotions which encouraged me to stop overthinking things and create.)

I'm remembering how vital my crock pot is if we want to have a hot dinner on a work day.

I have completed 8 of my 21 days of working out goal for this month!

I have done some hard stops for prayer, gazing on beauty, snuggling one of my loves and remembering how to breathe deeply.

One of the discoveries in this season of transition is that I have believed that busy=bad. My sweet, slow-paced summer schedule has been swapped out for one that is much more highly charged with many responsibilities and activities that are looking for a place within my week. I have found myself feeling shame over how full my schedule is and afraid that …

A Summer to Thrive

I am finishing my last week of my summer work hours. I have been reflecting on my summer and how I spent it.

In May, I intentionally wrote a list of hopes, dreams and goals for my summer season. I used my daring greatly manifesto from Vulnerability, Courage, Shame, and Empathy: The Living Brave Continuing Education Course. I completed Jess Connolly's Summer to Thrive: A Guide to Chilling Out and Enjoying Summer. I also spent time in prayer and asked God to give me words and ideas that would define the season.

This week, I am taking time to review these things. I am also rereading what I journaled about my actual summer. I feel encouraged by what a great summer it has been and how many of my hopes I was able to engage!





I pursued wholeheartedness in a lot of ways. I read books, I cooked and baked, I listened to music and I spent a lot of sweet quality time with people I cherish. I enjoyed time in prayer and worship each week and adopted a much slower pace of life. I asked questions …