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Insecurity




I define insecurity as that uneasy, fearful feeling that we get when we think we aren’t enough and we are vulnerable to being judged by other people.
I work with lots of people who struggle with insecurity. Their circumstances are different, but their feelings are similar. They are not sure of their value. They don’t know if they are acceptable to other people and this makes it hard for them to accept themselves. They feel vulnerable to judgment and think that if they judge themselves harshly, then it won’t hurt so much if other people do it too.
I wrestle with insecurity too. My body looks different than what our media presents as beautiful. I feel beautiful a lot of the time, but sometimes I’m afraid that my body shape isn’t acceptable. When clients suddenly stop coming to see me without an explanation, I wonder if I did something wrong. I feel insecure when someone knows how to do something valuable and I don’t. I’m blessed to be intuitive with the feelings of others, but if someone close to me is feeling angry or sad, then I can usually tell and sometimes I worry that their feelings are my fault. I fear that people are judging the decisions that I’m making with my money, in wedding planning, in how I spend my time and energy and in the changes I am making professionally. I really want people to like me and feel happy with me and it’s hard for me when they don’t.
Even typing this, I’m fighting insecurity. It’s trying to tell me that I shouldn’t give such specific examples of things I struggle with. Now you are sure to know that I am a real person who actually struggles just like everyone else. I’m also thinking of the fact that I just got new business cards printed. I decided to list my blog address on my cards in case my clients would benefit from the things that I write about. Insecurity is insisting that for that reason alone, I should keep this more professional and present my strengths rather than my weaknesses. Insecurity further suggests that I really shouldn’t blog at all since I don’t have actual training in writing and probably no one really wants to know what I’m thinking anyways.
I know that insecurity lies to me. I really want to stop listening and believing those lies.
I was talking with one of my clients about what happens when we use anyone or anything other than God as a reference point for our self-esteem. We feel great when we are getting positive feedback, terrible when we are getting negative feedback and extremely unstable as we go from person to person and the feedback shifts back and forth from positive to negative.
I spoke the truth to myself as I encouraged this person to make God their only reference point. I told them to fix their eyes on Jesus and to let His thoughts and feelings toward them inform their self-esteem. In God, we receive such love and acceptance that insecurity is forced out. How can we feel insecure when everything about God’s pursuit of us reassures us of our beauty, our desirability and our incredible value?
I’ve also started asking God to cover me with His beauty when I’m struggling with feeling unlovely. I think of God, who is perfect in beauty, causing true beauty to live within me through the Holy Spirit. I imagine Him shining through my spirit so brightly that all of my imperfections are covered. I ask Him to lavish His love on my vulnerable places and to make me feel secure in Him.
Still Counting Gifts:
·         #769: Real security found in relationship with God
·         #770: How receiving more of God’s love actually solves problems
·         #771: Perfect running weather
·         #772: When I met the yellow lab/basset hound dog
·         #773: Our neighbor sent a huge piece of delicious cake over
·         #774: Fun catching up with a friend after several months
·         #775: Helping my clients to count gifts in their lives
·         #776: Transition
·         #777: Cold sweet tea on a hot day
·         #778: Declaring the goodness of God in the face of suffering

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