Tuesday, May 5, 2015

When Creative Desire Stirs

The past 3 months have felt crazy.

And during all these months of crazy, busy activity in my life, desire has been stirring in the background of my heart. I read things that other people write and feel myself come alive. I talk with people and hear things that God is speaking and want to write them down and share. I listen to music, sing to the Lord and long to create something that will help other people to connect with God in worship.

It has been over two months since I touched our piano. Or any piano, for that matter. This is also my first blog post in almost 3 months. Crazy months, yes. But, 3 months all the same. I feel sad about these things. And scared to start again. What if I have lost everything that I had developed?

But even fear of the possible frustration of starting again has not been able to change my desire. My desire has only been stirring and growing all this time. My desire is to resume creating. With piano. With words.

This is week 9 of my training for the half-marathon. I ran 5 miles this morning and cannot believe that it felt like an easy distance for me. As I run, I am reminded of all of these good life principles about perseverance, the fruit of hard labor and what it is actually like to train my body to do something.

I waited for a long time to register for the half-marathon. I really wasn't sure that I wanted to run another half-marathon. I really wasn't sure that I would be able to run another half-marathon. I decided to start training and make my decision later. I wanted to start running and see if the ability to run a half-marathon would return.

I ran those first 7 1/2 weeks of training without registering for the half-marathon, just in case it didn't work out. I'm still nervous because I don't know what that day will be like, how I will feel and how well I will be able to run. I know from past experience that there will be moments where it feels really hard and I will want to quit. I also know that I will feel complete exhilaration and pride when I cross that finish line. In that moment, all of my training will be worth it. I finally registered last week and am now officially, "IN."


I'm hoping to borrow from this experience as I prepare to re-engage creatively. I'm not sure how well I play the piano and lead worship right now. I'm nervous that writing consistently was only possible for me during my Fire in the Night internship and just after. I'm going to commit to a training program and see what happens. I'm going to purpose to spend time and energy playing and writing. I'm hoping that this training process will ultimately cause me to feel excited to exercise my creativity again. I'm hoping that I will have moments of delight and gratitude that I'm able and excited to play and write again.

Those of you who read my blog will have some idea of how I'm progressing in my writing. Those of you who come to R2HOP on Wednesday nights will have some idea of how I'm progressing in playing the piano and leading worship. Thank you to each of you for being willing to be a part of my accountability process by reading here.

Still Counting Gifts:

  • #1074: Bible study with the lovely ladies of FCF starts up again this week and we're Breaking Free with Beth Moore
  • #1075: One pretty tulip in my yard and many pretty tulips all over my neighborhood
  • #1076: Bananagrams
  • #1077: God is my peace
  • #1078: I am engaging the desires of my heart

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