Thursday, February 28, 2013

Wow, it’s March already

I haven’t written anything during the whole month of February. I thought about writing several different things, but never got around to it. I had ideas and I made plans. Unfortunately, they were never realized. It has been a busy month.

I got engaged two weeks ago. Ben did an amazing job of surprising me by proposing at 9 PM on a Thursday night, when I thought we were going outside to start my car so I could go home. We stood on the exact spot where we first met in October of 2010, outside what was the barn at Anderson Organic farm, and remembered that first day. He offered me a chocolate, I discovered a ring hidden in the box, he got down on one knee and there were fireworks. (Yes, actual fireworks!) So, we’re getting married in September and I’m excited, but also overwhelmed by all the change and planning.
In addition to such a significant change in my personal life, I’m preparing to make some major changes in my professional life. I will continue counseling because I love it and its part of my assignment, but I’m looking to change my venue. I have been exploring my options and asking God what He has for me in the next season of my work as a counselor. These changes also require lots of change and planning; leading to additional excited and overwhelmed feelings.
Plus, God is using all of these circumstances to reveal sin in my heart and invite me to yield to His leadership in a deeper way. I’m realizing more and more how committed I am to building the kingdom of Jody. I’m mad when I can’t have my way, scared that I have to make weighty choices and bear the responsibility for whatever consequences result, and resentful that I’m uncomfortable in this process. I know that I really want to give myself to building the kingdom of God, but I wish it didn’t require my death.

I know that the place for me is in intimacy with God, in a posture of dependence and reliance. So, I’m bringing back daily time with God in the morning. I’m pressing through my urge to hide from people, divorce myself from my painful feelings and pretend that everything is “fine” in order to avoid hurt. I’m beginning to write again despite feeling tentative because I know that this is a good way for me to be vulnerable and express what God is doing. I’m committing to enjoying the present even as I anticipate the future. I hope to finish well as I prepare for these new seasons.
Still Counting Gifts:
·         #681: Healing from being dreadfully sick last week, especially the way my throat doesn’t hurt when I swallow anymore
·         #682: New clients whose challenges make me feel nervous and cause me to clutch wildly at God’s hand
·         #683: My sister and I are planning weddings together: something I always secretly hoped for
·         #684: The ways the world looks brighter when there is snow on the ground and sun in the sky
·         #685: My dear friend from FITN comes for a visit this weekend!
·         #686: Making sugar cookies from scratch and frosting them
·         #687: Celebrating beginnings and endings in life
·         #688: Making time to read more
·         #689: When Lily snuggles with me
·         #670: My brother Colin, who just turned 30
·         #671: Opportunities to change my whole life all over again
·         #672: Clear invitations to sow to the spirit or feed my flesh
·         #673: Discovering what it means to fall in love and commit to love