Friday, November 16, 2012

When I overdo it

 
I had a pounding headache by lunchtime. I ate lunch, took Advil and waited for it to pass. I kept going, going, going, as I have been since the beginning of November.
Finally, around 2 PM, I closed the shades in my office, put on the little heater for background noise, turned out the lights and curled up on my couch with my down jacket as a blanket. I gave in to sleep for about an hour and woke up feeling much better.
I have been overdoing it recently. I think that my body had finally had enough by today and the headache insisted that I stop and rest.
Being full-time at work is amazing, but it means that I am there working, a lot. I’m still carving out time at the house of prayer, but it means putting it in my schedule and forcing other things out. I’m trying to sleep, exercise, connect with friends, respond to emails, pick up dry cleaning, fill my tank with gas, cook delicious things, watch Once upon a time with Karyn and Downton Abbey with my mom, read and so many more things that I cannot remember and am probably not doing as a result.
It has been so long since I have responded to Facebook messages that my friends may give up hope and I can’t find time to finish reading Grace for the Good Girl so that I can figure out how to actually let go of the try-hard life.
I think I actually like the try-hard life in some twisted way. I like having a full-to-bursting schedule and always being needed somewhere for something. I feel significant when I am required at meetings and events. I tell myself that I am being completely poured out for others. I think that this is what it means to serve wholeheartedly.
But secretly, I wonder if everyone is actually getting leftovers of my time, talent and treasures. Can my clients tell when I’m trying not to fall asleep on them? Would they judge me if they knew I was tired because I didn’t go to bed on time so that I could watch a TV episode or finally read a chapter in my book? Do my friends feel rejected when I cannot remember to text them back or respond to their email because they get lost in my huge to-do list? Does God feel sad because I have been too busy doing things to try and please Him instead of just stopping to enjoy Him?
I am really looking forward to next week because I have taken Thursday, Friday and Saturday off of work in order to celebrate Thanksgiving. I want to intentionally recognize how richly blessed I am and I want to take time to be quiet and enjoy my maker. I am asking Him for help because I don’t know how to steward myself well right now and I’m sure He does.
Still Counting Gifts:
·         #633: 26 clients this week
·         #634: Warm weather in November
·         #635: Great quality time with several friends this month
·         #636: Doing puzzles
·         #637: The Grounds for Life annual fundraiser
·         #638: Patrick’s 24th birthday, Pietro’s pizza and DQ ice cream cake
·         #639: People who invite me to be myself