tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38386854663445316072024-03-12T16:54:20.954-07:00pursuing LOVE...and JOY...and WHOLEHEARTEDNESS!I want to know and believe the LOVE that God has for me. I want to be full of JOY regardless of my circumstances. I want to be WHOLEHEARTED: living connected to who I am, what I feel, and what I desire. I want to have a vision for who God is, who I am and where we are journeying together. I want to be marked by His delight and to express delight back to Him. Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.comBlogger122125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-41632004867831688542017-09-26T19:39:00.000-07:002017-09-26T19:39:16.948-07:00What do I fix my eyes on?<br />
Do you ever notice themes popping up in your daily life and wonder if God is saying something?<br />
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You read something that stands out to you and then you hear a song reinforcing the same message. You find this topic coming up in conversations throughout the day. Maybe you even see it appearing in your newsfeed on social media. Your heart moves a little bit every time you see or hear this theme.<br />
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This has been happening to me this week. The theme is actually a question: What are your eyes fixed on?<br />
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I'm preparing to lead See You At The Pole at my school tomorrow and the theme is Fix Your Eyes. It comes from Hebrews 12:2 which encourages us to fix our eyes on Jesus and follow his example in how we handle difficulties and suffering.<br />
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Then, I read this amazing blog post this morning by Sharon Hodde Miller about how being a people-pleaser and addicted to approval ultimately causes you to become completely self-focused. (Check out <i>When the Self-Help Gospel Isn't Helping You Anymore </i>on www.annvoskamp.com.) Though I consider myself in recovery for this addiction, a lot of what she wrote still rang true for me. I started to ask myself, "What am I fixing my eyes on?"<br />
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I've also been listening obsessively to Kristene DiMarco's new album, <i>Where His Light Was. </i>The lyrics to her second song, Fear Not, started shouting to me:<br />
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<div style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #504b48; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;">
<span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Remember all I told you</span></span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #504b48; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;">
<span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Remember all I said </span></span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #504b48; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;">
<span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When the questions start arising </span></span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #504b48; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;">
<span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Keep your eyes fixed straight ahead</b> </span></span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #504b48; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;">
<span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Hold on tightly to the promise </span></span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #504b48; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;">
<span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Hold firmly to the truth </span></span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #504b48; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;">
<span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">That I love you</span></span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #504b48; line-height: 23px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;">
<span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Oh I love you</span></span></div>
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I would like to tell you that my eyes are firmly fixed on the Jesus who modeled humble surrender to God's leadership when he went to the cross because of the joy set before Him. And, the truth is that my eyes often are fixed on Him. But, that is not their natural inclination.<br />
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My eyes naturally focus on me: How am I doing? Do these people like me? Do they think that I'm doing a good job as a mom/wife/counselor/housekeeper/friend/person/human being? How could I be better? How could I feel more sure to earn and keep their approval? How can I feel safe from any possible chance of rejection or judgment? How can I justify my behavior if I find that I may have come off as judgmental, selfish, silly, irresponsible, immature, or unkind? How can I get their reassurance that I'm OK and I'm doing life OK without directly admitting that I want or need it??!!<br />
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Right about here is when I realize that I am craving an approval fix.<br />
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I am back in the throes of addiction and all that I can see or think about is how to get my fix.<br />
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This is also the moment where Jesus lovingly invites me to fix my eyes back on Him. He gives me grace to deny my craving and to allow His approval to be the only thing that satisfies me.<br />
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Sometimes, I have to do this all. day. long.<br />
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Other times, I enjoy the absence of that craving and the peace of living my real life as my real self without thought about what others may think.<br />
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In both cases, I appreciate God's loving reminder about my eyes and being careful about what they fix themselves on.<br />
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So, what are you fixing your eyes on?Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-71855340381796526332017-09-14T14:38:00.001-07:002017-09-14T14:38:27.566-07:00Transition, transition, transitionWow, it's already the middle of September! This past month has flown by for me.<br />
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I just finished my fifth week of the new school year.<br />
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I am loving The Quiet Collection by Emily P Freeman to help me have a sane September. (This blog post appearing is a partial fruit from one of those devotions which encouraged me to stop overthinking things and create.)<br />
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I'm remembering how vital my crock pot is if we want to have a hot dinner on a work day.<br />
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I have completed 8 of my 21 days of working out goal for this month!<br />
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I have done some hard stops for prayer, gazing on beauty, snuggling one of my loves and remembering how to breathe deeply.<br />
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One of the discoveries in this season of transition is that I have believed that busy=bad. My sweet, slow-paced summer schedule has been swapped out for one that is much more highly charged with many responsibilities and activities that are looking for a place within my week. I have found myself feeling shame over how full my schedule is and afraid that some punishment like physical illness or emotional burnout is my debt to pay for this choice.<br />
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God has been showing me that heart stewardship is central. When I am walking closely with Him, leaning into His strength and receiving His mercies for my day, then I have the resources that I need to handle whatever happens that day. When I rely on my own efforts and strive to accomplish all of the tasks that I have determined are essential, then I feel overwhelmed and burdened no matter how much free time and space that I have in my schedule.<br />
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I have also been learning that I can pause and reflect before I say "Yes" or "No" to things. Often my initial reaction to a request is based on a desire to please the other person, an automatic yes because it's one more thing that I can add to the list of things that are already in motion for me without thinking about it or an automatic no because it interferes with my beautifully self-determined, controlled plan for my life. Taking time to stop and ask myself and/or God questions like, "Will this bring me life?" "Can I offer this freely, without expectation or regret?" and "What would happen if I say No?" has been very helpful. Saying No, especially when it leaves someone else feeling disappointed or frustrated, has been hard. Maintaining a sense of wholeheartedness in the midst of a very busy schedule and season of life has felt exhilarating.<br />
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I also continue to hold questions in my heart about my identity, my role and my purpose in this season and how I can be fully present and engaged in every area of my life. As much as I would like to have a solid answer to cling to with regard to these questions, I am choosing to embrace the mystery of the unknown and to allow things to become clear over time.Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-54807219027880399942017-08-11T15:44:00.000-07:002017-08-11T15:44:45.774-07:00A Summer to ThriveI am finishing my last week of my summer work hours. I have been reflecting on my summer and how I spent it.<br />
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In May, I intentionally wrote a list of hopes, dreams and goals for my summer season. I used my daring greatly manifesto from <i>Vulnerability, Courage, Shame, and Empathy: The Living Brave Continuing Education Course. </i>I completed Jess Connolly's <i>Summer to Thrive: A Guide to Chilling Out and Enjoying Summer</i>. I also spent time in prayer and asked God to give me words and ideas that would define the season.<br />
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This week, I am taking time to review these things. I am also rereading what I journaled about my actual summer. I feel encouraged by what a great summer it has been and how many of my hopes I was able to engage!<br />
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I pursued wholeheartedness in a lot of ways. I read books, I cooked and baked, I listened to music and I spent a lot of sweet quality time with people I cherish. I enjoyed time in prayer and worship each week and adopted a much slower pace of life. I asked questions and listened a lot more than I usually do. I left dishes in the sink and stepped away from my to-do list way more than I usually do. I felt softer and had more resources to put toward practicing kindness.<br />
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When I looked at my list of how I wanted to feel by the end of summer, I was able to celebrate feeling almost every single thing on that list. I do feel rested, satisfied, excited to start school, more mature in areas where I am growing, hopeful, and more able to let God direct and structure my days. I am also feeling somewhat more light-hearted and connected to nature. I know that I have enjoyed Elias and our time together deeply. I also have some great summer stories. I did not have the perfect summer. I had a perfectly lovely summer.<br />
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The two main things that God told me about this summer were delight and that the heart is central. As I reflect on this summer, I confirm that it has been a summer full of delight. There have been so many moments where my heart felt full to overflowing with joy, hope and peace. This has also been a summer where I have focused on reconnecting with my heart and engaging with its' desires. I have had lots of time and space to grow in areas that are important to me. I have been able to take risks, feel fully alive, and enjoy beauty and play. I have been practicing being still and slowing down on the inside.<br />
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I am excited to enter a new season. Even though fall won't officially start until next month, the new school year brings a new season for me. I feel hopeful about continuing to grow and change. I'm starting a new list of hopes, dreams and goals for this fall and the 2017-2018 school year. I'm asking God for new words and ideas that will shape me in the season to come.<br />
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I hope that the season change will be a good one for you too. I encourage you to take some time to reflect on your summer and to dream about your fall. What do you want to pursue? What values are most important to you in the upcoming season? What dreams do you want to engage? Let's thrive this fall.Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-47215232386885489032017-07-25T06:03:00.000-07:002017-07-25T06:03:38.600-07:00My Arbonne Story - A journey of discovery<div style="color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;">
You guys, drum roll, please... <b>I have become an Independent Consultant with Arbonne!</b><br />
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This is a big change for me and I am SO, so excited for this opportunity. But, no one seems to be as surprised as I am by this development. Most of the people that I have told have said something like, "That makes sense." Or, "I can see you doing that."This has gotten me reflecting on what has been emerging in me that is facilitating this transition. And, how does what seems like such a discovery to me seem so logical to everyone else?!<br />
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I have been an Arbonne groupie for several years now. I absolutely love their product! Every time they come out with something new and I get to try it, I end up wanting it. I have hosted several parties and I have thoroughly enjoyed introducing other people to all of the amazing products that I have been enjoying, but I never considered becoming a consultant.</div>
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Recently, something shifted for me. I was at a party and I felt really stirred when Nikki (a good friend who also used to be a neighbor and has been with Arbonne for 10 years) started describing what it means to her to be an Independent Consultant. She talked about the incredible work-life balance that she enjoys, the financial provision for her family, and how amazing it is to develop leaders and partner with people as they grow their businesses. For the next several days, I could not stop thinking about this opportunity. I was filled with a desire to respond, but I felt uncertain because it seemed so outside of my comfort zone. </div>
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I think this opportunity came at the perfect time for me. As I shared in my last post, I have been enjoying a unique season of rest in the past two months. I have been off of my job as a school counselor and only working one day each week in my private practice as a counselor. This gift of this season has afforded me the opportunity to spend more quality time with my son, to enjoy more time outside, to deepen relationships with family and friends, to spend more time in the place of prayer and to explore new recipes, novels, and music. I have also found myself feeling more creative, courageous and able to pursue my deep desire to live wholeheartedly. I started praying about how to respond to what was happening in my heart and asking God to help me cultivate and maintain what I was discovering.<br />
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The invitation to become an Independent Consultant with Arbonne arrived right in the midst of all of this heart activity! It seemed to me like God was answering the questions that I have been asking by providing this opportunity.</div>
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My desire to live wholeheartedly is only increasing and I want to continue to pursue all of the valuable things that I have been discovering. I believe that Arbonne can help me to pursue this lifestyle. I believe they offer the work-life balance that I am looking for to continue to live well in this next season. I am so excited to take on this new adventure and explore everything that this organization has to offer!<br />
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If you are curious about Arbonne and the amazing products that I'm using and loving, then please let me know. I would love to talk with you about how you can purchase Arbonne and answer any questions you have. You can also check out my Arbonne page, www.<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', 'Neue Helvetica eText W02', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">JodyStriker.arbonne.com,</span> and my Facebook business page, fb.me/JodyStriker.<br />
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Finally, the part that feels most exciting to me is the opportunity to work with other amazing people and build a great team of leaders. I could not be more thrilled to have my best-friend and sister, Karyn McDonald, be my first Arbonne team member!!!! We are beyond excited to start working together and to build the best Arbonne team ever. If you are interested in joining our team, then let me know!<br />
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Also, please save the date for August 25. We will be hosting a big launch party for all of our local friends so that you can learn more about this exciting business adventure.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Elias was thrilled to help me explore all my new products. :)<br />
He's very excited about the Arbonne adventure too.</td></tr>
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Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-12909813533284824462017-07-19T15:00:00.000-07:002017-07-19T15:00:19.797-07:00Heart RevivalHey you guys,<br />
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It's been almost two years since my last post. What?!<br />
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I know some of you probably forgot that I even used to do this, but I hope that you're as excited as I am that I'm coming back to blogging. It's a new season and God has been stirring up lots of creativity and courage in me recently. I'm happy to tell you all about it.<br />
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In case you missed it, I became a mom to sweet Elias last summer. In fact, he is about to turn 1 year old on Monday and I can't believe it! Guys, he is absolutely the sweetest, calmest and most delightful baby you can ever imagine and I still tear up sometimes in gratitude when I remember that he is my little boy.<br />
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One of my life dreams to be a stay-at-home mama has been partially fulfilled in that I only work three days a week during the school year. I work 2 1/2 days at RCS Elementary School and it is an amazing place. Shortly after I got there, they put me in charge of the two chapel services that happen each week. Guess what? Leading worship, speaking and recruiting other people to come minister to our students has become my favorite part of my job. Plus, all the people that I work with are amazing and it's a really great community to be a part of.<br />
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My other half day each week is spent in my private practice. I haven't taken any new clients since before Elias was born and I only have six spots each week. But, this has become a good "lab class" for me in walking more closely with the Holy Spirit, hearing what He is saying about the people that I work with and encouraging me as I encourage and challenge them in the changes that they are making in their lives.<br />
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Ben, Samson, and our sweet "tiny" house are as wonderful as ever. My love for reading, talking, thinking, praying, singing, drinking coffee, spending quality time with my people, consuming natural beauty and my commitment to eating dessert have not changed.<br />
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I have continued to learn and process things during my blogging "radio" silence. In fact, the past six months have seen me engaging significantly in some new areas of my heart and my life.<br />
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I started taking Brene Brown's online course, <i>Vulnerability, Courage, Shame, and Empathy: The Living Brave Continuing Education Course</i> and it has deeply impacted me. I had not realized how much I struggled with shame and how perfectionism has kept me "safe" by preventing me from taking risks, being my authentic self and living wholeheartedly. I read her book <i>Daring Greatly</i>, completed the lessons and became increasingly stirred to live from my whole heart.<br />
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This summer has been an incredible blessing to me because I have only had to work one day each week. I actually felt a tremendous amount of anxiety the first week that I was off from school because I felt overwhelmed by this gift of time and I was afraid that I would squander it. But then, I settled in and it has been wonderful.<br />
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I have had time and energy to pursue things that my heart loves, but is often not able to pursue. Being home with Elias 6 out of 7 days has been the biggest blessing. It is so delightful to share my days with him and experience the world through his curious and happy eyes! Beyond this blessing that already feels so loving and satisfying, I have started to feel more creative again. I feel more connected to my heart and what it desires than I ever have before. And, I feel more able to pursue these desires because of the time and space in my schedule.<br />
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This has propelled me to tell God that I really want to continue on this amazing heart journey and to ask Him to help me figure out how to maintain the heart revival that I am loving when I return to work at the school in just under a months' time. I also recognize that I would really like to have a different schedule on a more permanent basis and I started asking God to make this possible in time.<br />
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Shortly after I started this conversation with God, He began to respond. I believe that God is already providing an amazing opportunity for me to pursue the lifestyle that I am desiring for my heart and for my family! He has thrown wide a door that I never imagined walking through before. God has been establishing my identity in ways that I will need for this new opportunity and it will be a great chance for me to show up, be seen and live wholeheartedly.<br />
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So, be watching for another post sometime soon to say more about this...<br />
<br />Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-2557344757237239992015-07-28T08:11:00.002-07:002015-07-28T08:11:42.237-07:00Back to SchoolWell, after four years away from school counseling, I have decided to return.<br />
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Yes, I'm keeping my private practice in counseling. I will be reducing the number of clients that I see on a weekly basis in order to work 20 hours a week as a school counselor at Rockford Christian Elementary School.<br />
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This comes in the midst of conversations that I have been having with God about desire. In fact, pursuing this position kind of started those conversations.<br />
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My good friend Mackenzie, who works in the business office at RCS, told me about the position innocently enough. She wanted me to have the information about the position in case I had any counselor friends who might be interested in applying. What neither she nor I could have known, was how desire would stir in my heart as soon as she started to describe it to me.<br />
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There are things that I have come to absolutely love in private practice counseling. I love being my own boss, setting my own hours and having complete freedom over how I practice counseling.<br />
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There are also challenges. My income is constantly fluctuating and the recent changes in medical insurance have affected how much I am reimbursed for my work and whether or not my clients have coverage for mental health services. If you catch me on a vulnerable day, I am likely to rant about how much I pay in taxes and insurance.<br />
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I left my job as a school counselor in Chicago because I was completely burned out and I wanted to move to Rockford to be closer to my family and to be more involved in R2HOP. I wrongly assumed that I would never again work as a school counselor because I didn't think there was a private school here that would hire me and because I was so mentally and emotionally exhausted that I could not ever imagine working in another school.<br />
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Well, you know what they say: never say never.<br />
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As I initially considered the position, I was surprised by how quick my heart was to remember what it was like to be entrusted with the precious thoughts and feelings of children. I was surprised by how much I wanted to have that opportunity again.<br />
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I am excited about this new position, even though I know it will be a huge transition for me. I look forward to doing more preventative work and to having shorter sessions that include art and play. I'm also excited and curious about other possibilities that are available at RCS like helping with music during chapel or offering an elective to help children learn to express and care for their feelings in healthy ways.<br />
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And, I'm thankful that I can keep most of my clients in my private practice and continue the work that we have been doing together.<br />
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Engaging the desire that I felt about pursuing the school counselor position has also grown into something larger in my life. Recently, I have become aware of how much of my life I still live mostly from duty and out of fear. Wanting to be "good" in the eyes of God and others still strongly motivates a lot of my behavior and I want this to change. I want to be governed by love and desire for God, rather than fear and duty.<br />
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I'm meditating on John 15:9-10:<br />
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<i>I've loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you'll remain intimately at home in my love. That's what I've done--kept my Father's commands and made myself at home in his love. (The Message)</i><br />
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I wrote it out on a card that I'm carrying with me. I'm praying for God to help me make my home in His love and to stay intimately connected with it. Where my desire is weak or stronger for someone or something other than God, I am presenting it to Him honestly and asking Him to change my heart. Where I am tempted to do the right thing for the sake of being "good" or because I'm afraid of what people will think or how they will respond, I am owning what I truly desire and making it my offering to God.<br />
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<b>Still Counting Gifts:</b><br />
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<li>#1152: We had a wonderful time in Chicago celebrating my friend and former intern, Frances, as she married Matt! (The first three pictures are some of the beautiful moments that we captured there.)</li>
<li>#1153: It was so, so refreshing to my heart to spend a weekend in Chicago and reconnect with my treasured friends and former roommates Michelle and Christine!</li>
<li>#1154: Just days later, Ben and I got to host my dear friends from my time at the French School, Carine and Lilita, at our home</li>
<li>#1155: Carine and Lilita got to visit the farm and take some delicious vegetables back to Chicago with them</li>
<li>#1156: My house is clean because of all the company</li>
<li>#1157: I have been living a new rhythm of prioritizing resting and receiving in my free time over accomplishing important tasks</li>
<li>#1158: I have been practicing saying calm when someone seems unhappy with me or needs something that I am not willing to provide and waiting until I am actually ready to respond before I try to fix the problem</li>
<li>#1159: We get to go camping AND tubing this weekend</li>
<li>#1160: My birthday is on Monday and I took the day off, decided that I'm going out to breakfast and making myself my favorite cake</li>
<li>#1161: We got to borrow one of our favorite dogs this weekend</li>
</ul>
Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-18848382356971677102015-07-13T13:07:00.000-07:002015-07-13T13:07:39.614-07:00Busy summerI have been staying busy this summer and not telling you very much here.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EhPgC7OZ5iU/VZrU3x40kMI/AAAAAAAABuE/jrdPJNkMlXs/s1600/15%2B-%2B1" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EhPgC7OZ5iU/VZrU3x40kMI/AAAAAAAABuE/jrdPJNkMlXs/s320/15%2B-%2B1" width="320" /></a>Lots of fun and exciting things have happened. There have also been moments where my heart has felt heavy and life has felt challenging.<br />
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Something fun was when I saw two foxes hanging out at a house just around the corner from me.<br />
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They were sitting together at the end of the driveway until one had an itch and needed the brick wall nearby to scratch it.<br />
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Karyn says that one is called Charlie and he is a regular around our neighborhoods.<br />
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I think this is true because Ben and I saw him again in another yard when we were walking home from watching fireworks on the 4th of July.<br />
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We had an amazing weekend in June at Camp Pathfinder in Algonquin Park with my extended family on my mom's side. We slept in platform tents and Ben and I paddled around the island, without tipping over, in a wood and canvas canoe. My cousin Warren showed us around his wood shop and explained how they make and maintain the canoes that we were enjoying. We visited with aunts, uncles and cousins and ate lots of delicious foods.<br />
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We stopped in Shelby, MI to visit our good friends Rich and Pam Lantz on the way home. Josh and Laura Anderson were there too and it was so nice to reconnect with people whose hearts still feel so familiar.<br />
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Our yard is still full of flowers and colors, although the weeds that we have not had time or energy to pull are becoming more assertive.<br />
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After about a month of thinking that my work was causing my heart to feel heavy, I discovered that I was mostly missing Ben.<br />
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I remember Kelli Anderson saying something earlier this year about how she doesn't look forward to the summer months the way most people do because she knows that it will mean that Philip is extremely busy with farming. I remember thinking something like, "Hmmmmmmm...that's interesting. I don't think I've felt that way. Summer is so much fun and I love summer!"<br />
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But now, I feel much more understanding and empathy because I have really been missing Ben.<br />
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He is so very busy farming. I cannot even describe how hard he, the Andersons and all of those work share volunteers work every day in order to grow and harvest delicious vegetables. They usually start really early in the morning and work until after dark. (I am beaming with pride as I think about how hard Ben works. And, I miss him.)<br />
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I miss the rhythm of the winter months when he can steal a morning at home if I'm going into work late or take off an entire Wednesday to spend with me. I miss waking up and starting our day together and having time and energy at the end of the day to connect.<br />
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And, I don't like these feelings of mine. I don't want to admit that I am not functioning as well as I can because I am not spending as much quality time with my husband as I desire and need. I don't like to ask him to see if he can leave work early because I need to see him, to touch him and to talk with him.<br />
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However, as I have discovered in the past month, the alternative is worse. When I refuse to admit my need and make my requests known, then my heart gets hard. I struggle to connect with Ben even when he is available because I have told my heart to stop desiring connection with him. In trying to cope with things by myself and not inconvenience Ben, I have actually made the problem worse.<br />
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God, in His kindness, has been inviting me to practice honesty with myself. It's not really Ben who has a problem with my needs. It's not God either. In fact, it's me who has the greatest problem with all of my desires, my needs, my feelings, my hopes and my fears. It's not God or others who are telling me to keep quiet and take care of myself. It's God and others who are inviting me into rich, authentic life where my requests are made known and intimacy brings joy.<br />
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I am responding to this invitation and my heart is becoming more light.<br />
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<b>Still Counting Gifts:</b><br />
<ul>
<li>#1142: A really fun 4th of July spent with many special people</li>
<li>#1143: I'm learning to play a new song on the piano</li>
<li>#1144: We put up the lights in our screened-in porch and it's my new favorite place to eat and be<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<li>#1145: How God's mercies feel new every morning</li>
<li>#1146: All.the.rain.</li>
<li>#1147: Sweet quality time with my husband this weekend</li>
<li>#1148: Anticipating a fun weekend in Chicago</li>
<li>#1149: Hosting friends at our house</li>
<li>#1150: Releasing pent up feelings in a clean, healthy way</li>
<li>#1151: Hope in uncertainty</li>
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<br />Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-49831507932693403562015-06-08T11:43:00.000-07:002015-06-08T11:43:18.749-07:00My half-marathon and how running is helping to encourage me in my life with God<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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First, <b>Still Counting Gifts:</b><br />
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I ran my third half-marathon and it went really well (#1116). I ran the fastest first mile of my life, thanks to Colin and Karyn: 10:06 (#1117).<br />
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I had to send them on ahead because they just run faster than me and I didn't want to run the entire 13.1 miles with a stitch in my side. Ben lent me his phone after mine didn't wake up on Saturday morning (#1118). He even broke it out of its' life proof case so that I could put it in my running arm band (#1119). Thanks love!<br />
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Seeing Ben at mile 2 and 7 and my parents at mile 8 and 12 kept me feeling inspired and running strong (#1120). They appeared as the literal answers to my prayers for God to give me strength and endurance to keep going when I wanted to quit (#1121).<br />
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In my last mile, when I was really struggling to finish because of intense leg cramps and pain, God ordained a song to come on my shuffling playlist that talked about running hard this race in order to win the prize (#1122). I couldn't help but smile and say thank you to Him as I rounded that last corner and saw the Finish line. I finished in 2 hours and 36 minutes, which was only 8 minutes longer than my last time (#1123).<br />
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I struggled some with perfectionism and was tempted to judge myself for walking a lot during that last painful mile. God helped me to agree with Him and believe that I had done my best and it was a great race, regardless of how long it took me (#1124).<br />
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Karyn had an incredible run: finishing at 2 hours and 14 minutes! She may have developed an addiction to running long distances, which is special to me because of my love for running (#1125). Unfortunately, she is so fast that she probably needs to find a faster runner to train with. But, we can still do fun runs together (#1126).<br />
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Ben and I had a great time with his family when we met up for his cousin Julia's wedding (#1127). It was fun to be able to talk more with several of his aunts and uncles and to get to know the Striker clan better (#1128).<br />
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We enjoyed riding part of the way there and back with his sister Amy (#1129) and got to host David and Debe at our house for several days after that (#1130). Seeing our house again, through their eyes, was so sweet (#1131). I especially loved sharing all the flowers and plants with Debe, who thoroughly appreciated them (#1132)!<br />
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Second, God has really been speaking to me about my life in Him:<br />
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You already know that God has been inviting me to make Him my peace. Because Ben and I are self-employed, our finances are usually the perfect area for God to work in. I have been struggling with a lot of frustration that God continues to provide just what we need, as we need it, and has not allowed us to pad up our savings in the way that I would like Him to (#1133).<br />
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I have been struggling a lot with fear that God is not good to me, specifically in the area of our finances. I have felt this pressure even more in this past week because our 2nd quarter tax payment is due one week from today and we still needed some money to come in toward that payment.<br />
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I kept praying Mark 9, "I do believe, God. Help me to overcome my unbelief." And, God was so faithful (#1134). He kept reassuring me that He is good to me and that He would provide for us, even as I waited to see how and when He would do so. But, it felt so, so hard to persevere in faith.<br />
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God kept reminding me of how hard that last mile of my half-marathon felt to run (#1135). My legs hurt so much that I could hardly walk, much less run. That's how I felt this week, emotionally and spiritually. I was so tired of contending for God's peace in my heart about our finances, that I could hardly continue. I recognized that we were only a week away from the deadline, just like I knew that I was approaching the finish line when I was running the half-marathon. But, it took the pure grace of God to bring me to that finish line of faith (#1136). I didn't think that I could make it and I know that I wouldn't have made it apart from God's kindness to me (#1137).<br />
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And right in the midst of all that turmoil, God was so clearly giving us joy in Him (#1138). Ben and I kept having these moments of sweet satisfaction in our relationship with Jesus where we just knew that He is worth the pain of this journey of trust. Even as we struggled and hurt, we felt confident that it was all worth it because of the person of Jesus Christ and how enjoyable it is to live for and with Him (#1139).<br />
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Just yesterday, God brought in a very special gift of financial support for Ben's work at the Moravian House of Prayer as an intercessory missionary (#1140). We were stunned. It was exactly what we needed. We cried tears of joy and relief as God showed His great faithfulness to us all over again. We worshiped God and thanked Him for loving and providing for us (#1141). We were also so thankful that we had persevered in our choice to continue trusting God, despite the difficulty of the process, because He is so worth it.<br />
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We pray that we continue to love and trust Him this way, even when our prayers go unanswered, because we believe that He is always worthy of our praise.Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-59676332098316444942015-05-27T20:46:00.000-07:002015-05-27T20:46:01.348-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This is my favorite flower this week and it grows in my backyard, near the garage.<br />
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I have been waiting and eagerly watching for these flowers to bloom. And, let me tell you, they have been more than worth the wait.<br />
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The outer color is the most amazing and vibrant pink and the inside is soft, pastel pink and white. They smell absolutely incredible! Literally, I stood outside, in the rain, in work clothes, holding my purse, and kept smelling them repeatedly. They smelled that fantastic!<br />
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There are several other flowers new to our yard this week. I actually don't know for sure what any of them are called, but I love looking at them. I love driving up to the garage and seeing beautiful flowers growing by my house and thinking, wow, that was not there before. And, wow, I live here! It's like an extended game of surprise as we wait to see everything that previous owner's of our house have planted. I am very thankful to them, whoever they are, because our yard is a delightful place and teeming with color and life. I pray that God blesses them as they have been such a blessing to me.<br />
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Life is also feeling vibrant and colorful this week. I got really sick, again, on Friday night. (I was just sick at the beginning of April for two weeks.) On Saturday, I felt so miserable that I didn't even know what to do with myself. I missed my last run. My 10 mile run, which was supposed to help me feel oh, so ready to run a half-marathon this very Sunday.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gCH9rvqWRGs/VWZsEPutScI/AAAAAAAABqQ/OG9b-3L9QI4/s1600/15%2B-%2B5" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gCH9rvqWRGs/VWZsEPutScI/AAAAAAAABqQ/OG9b-3L9QI4/s320/15%2B-%2B5" width="240" /></a>I asked Karyn, twice, could I please come be sick at her house because Ben was farming all day long. He kissed me good-bye as I was sipping Theraflu at 6:50 AM and did not return home until after 11 PM. She was so kind and invited me right over. She sat with me on the couch while I blew my nose and tried to carry on a conversation with my stuffy head and sore throat, while also caring for Ava, who was sick with a sore stomach and throwing up. She warmed up chicken and wild rice soup for me when I came back at dinner time. She was even willing to sit in the center of the "sick sandwich" with me and Ava when we watched Rio 2.<br />
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My sister is completely wonderful and amazing!<br />
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I was starting to feel better on Sunday and Monday, but the weekend was not nearly as productive as I had hoped it would be. Instead, it was filled with rest, reading, sleeping, healing and connecting with family and friends.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tG6pI0c9QTI/VWZsECHqCoI/AAAAAAAABqI/nYE2jjs2Lxk/s1600/15%2B-%2B4" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tG6pI0c9QTI/VWZsECHqCoI/AAAAAAAABqI/nYE2jjs2Lxk/s320/15%2B-%2B4" width="240" /></a>In my times with God, I am sometimes completing lessons from the <i>Breaking Free</i> study and sometimes reading from my <i>1000 Gifts</i> devotional. It's been a wonderful blend of identifying areas where I'm feeling stuck and recognizing how God is infusing my life with joy shining through the darkness.<br />
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As Ann Voskamp quotes Amy Carmichael saying, "Joys are always on their way to us. They are always traveling to us through the darkness of the night. There is never a night when they are not coming."<br />
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I am struggling with things like physical illness, fears, professional challenges, authenticity in my relationships, idolatry, worry over finances and many other things.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ms5ER4S2cCI/VWZsEIhkJWI/AAAAAAAABqo/Qj14Bmg6Gso/s1600/15%2B-%2B3" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ms5ER4S2cCI/VWZsEIhkJWI/AAAAAAAABqo/Qj14Bmg6Gso/s320/15%2B-%2B3" width="320" /></a>God is inviting me to experience pure joy and complete satisfaction in Him.<br />
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He is not pretending that my struggles do not exist or minimizing them in any way. God enters into the darkness of my soul and it is like light to Him. He engages me there and breathes life and love right into me. God reassures me that His presence is always enough.<br />
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So I keep on breathing in and out and looking to Him. I keep confessing over myself that God is my peace. I keep praying, like that desperate father in Mark 9:23, I do believe! I really do! Please, help me overcome my unbelief. Please push out all my doubts and give me your peace. Please show me just how able and willing you are all over again. I keep opening my hands and my heart to receive whatever God offers me because I believe that His gifts are good.<br />
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<b>Still Counting Gifts:</b><br />
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<ul>
<li>#1105: Ben and I leave tomorrow morning for a wedding with his family</li>
<li>#1106: I discovered a delicious recipe for kettle corn this afternoon</li>
<li>#1107: Naps are even better when you feel sick</li>
<li>#1108: Weeding is actually fun when it's been rainy and the ground is wet and soggy</li>
<li>#1109: Honest conversation with trusted people</li>
<li>#1110: Praying for someone else when I could just be offended</li>
<li>#1111: I finally checked out a copy of Sara Hagerty's <i>Every Bitter Thing is Sweet</i></li>
<li>#1112: Reading time in the car while we drive</li>
<li>#1113: Sunday evening Narnia readings with my parents</li>
<li>#1114: Ben's sweet parents are coming to visit us for a few days after the wedding weekend </li>
<li>#1115: The severe cold and sinus Theraflu really is wonderful when you feel terrible!</li>
</ul>
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Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-85957320237808069312015-05-18T14:14:00.000-07:002015-05-18T14:14:34.816-07:00Things making me happy right now: <b>(Still Counting Gifts:)</b><br />
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Fluffy baby geese by the river (#1087).<br />
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It's like a testimony that spring is really here every time I see them.<br />
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There are several families who hang out together and I love when I come across them. The babies are learning how to swim, eat grass and cross the bike path.<br />
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The babies are so cute that I wish I could pick them up and snuggle them.<br />
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Of course, I don't do this because the adult geese are so scary. They are literally watching for people like to me to get too close so that they can hiss and charge. This is so terrifying that I risk having wet feet and run through the grass across the path from them in order to be sure that I will not be attacked.<br />
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Even today, when I finally mustered up the courage to stop and take a picture, I stood as far away as I possibly could, while still getting the picture.<br />
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The view outside of my office windows is becoming amazing (#1088). (And, they are beautifully clear because David McDonald and Norwegian Squeegee recently cleaned them. #1089 Thanks Dave!)<br />
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May has been a bit slower for me, in terms of seeing clients. I am receiving this as a gift and spending time enjoying the view outside. #1090<br />
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I haven't actually been outside since this morning, but we are moving into the time of the year when you start sweating as soon as you walk out the door. And, I have this thing about being sweaty in regular clothes. I'm OK with sweating in my running clothes, but I prefer to avoid sweating in other clothes.<br />
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Our yard is becoming this amazing place (#1091) with all of these plants that I cannot identify. Ben says these are called bleeding hearts. I like them because they are pink. #1092<br />
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I'm actually starting to desire to work out in our yard. #1093 I haven't acted on this desire, at all, yet. But, I'm thinking about stepping out there and trying my hand at some weeding. I'm imagining myself doing it, that it will be harder than I think it will and that I will feel proud of my accomplishments afterwards.<br />
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Ben is spending more and more time at the farm. He got up at 5 AM this morning and left me sleeping. (I'm pretty sure this is actually the first time that he has gotten up before me in this house. So, I was feeling pretty impressed with him. #1094)<br />
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Things at the farm are off to a great start and harvesting and markets actually start this week. #1095 I'm excited for Anderson Organics to start wow-ing our community again this season with their amazingly, delicious vegetables.<br />
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I'm also excited to bring some home to my house and eat them. Seriously, their vegetables taste so good! #1096<br />
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There is some resurrection going on in my heart right now. #1097<br />
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There is pain as places in my heart that have long been dead come back to full vitality and feeling. #1098 There is fear because these feelings are returning with a strength and intensity that I did not remember they had. #1099 There is joy because God is making my heart fully alive to Him. #1100 There is hope because dreams that seemed dead are coming back to life. #1101 There is perseverance in engagement because returning to emotional shut-down would be SO, MUCH, MORE comfortable! #1102 There is love as God reassures me of my incredible worth to Him and His desire for me to be completely free to receive Him and all His benefits. #1103<br />
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My wings are back! As you can see in this picture. #1104Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-85354327940989220472015-05-12T12:12:00.001-07:002015-05-12T12:12:35.196-07:00God is my peace<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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There's a phrase that I keep praying, over and over again. <i>God is my peace. </i>Breathe in. Breathe out. <i>God is my peace</i>.<br />
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It came when I was feeling out of control of our finances, again. I was looking at the amounts in each of our accounts, thinking through all of our anticipated expenses for this month, and feeling a strong sense of fear. I was thinking back on when we took Dave Ramsey's <i>Financial Peace</i> class and how hard I have tried to use these principles so that we can have peace in our finances. I was feeling frustrated with God for not blessing my use of these principles and giving me financial peace when I heard Him say, "Jody, I want to be your peace."<br />
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It stopped me in the middle of my frantic thought. I felt God's invitation and His strong affection for me. I felt understood in my strong desire, need even, to feel peace in my finances. I felt His tender response and strong desire to answer my strong request. I remembered that God has always been faithful to provide exactly what we need. I felt His affirmation that He would continue to richly provide for our every need. I decided to say yes to His invitation.<br />
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I started praying, <i>God is my peace</i>, when I balanced our checkbook each week and paid bills. I kept praying it, with even greater passion, as I thought about how we have just over a month left before our second quarter tax payment is due. Over and over again, <i>God is my peace</i>.<br />
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Then, I started to pray this over other areas of my life. This is where things get really exciting because I really don't have much control over much in my life and I need a lot of peace.<br />
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<i>God is my peace. </i>He is how my fear will diminish. He is how I will continue to calmly breathe in and <i>God is my peace</i> as I prepare to launch a pilot support group at work and as I engage my creativity through writing and playing the piano.<br />
out. God is who will make it possible for me to courageously step out into new opportunities. <br />
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<i>God is my peace</i> as I learn to live fully alive and full of desire, rather than out of fear and a desire to ensure safety and comfort.<br />
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<i>God is my peace</i> when I'm comparing myself to you and feeling less than enough. He is my calm when I'm feeling failure and rejection. <i>God is my peace</i> when I'm wishing I had done better or tried harder.<br />
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<i>God is my peace</i> when we're working together and you're hurting or doubting and I don't have any good answers for why you're experiencing what you're experiencing. He is my peace when you're regressing and depression, anxiety or both are threatening to consume you and my prayers for you don't seem to amount to anything.<br />
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<i>God is my peace</i> when I'm positive that I need to prepare myself for the very worst because it's going to happen and I don't want to risk that crushing disappointment. He is the quiet confidence that makes it possible for me to trust that even if the worst happens, He will be enough for me.<br />
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All day long, this is what I'm praying: <i>God is my peace. </i>Because I want to believe it and feel it. I want to know, by experience, that it's true. I want to learn to let this truth govern my thoughts and feelings. I want to develop a habit of letting God quiet and comfort me by confessing this over myself.<br />
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<i>God is my peace. </i><br />
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What are you praying?<br />
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<b>Still Counting Gifts:</b><br />
<ul>
<li>#1079: When I was spitting mad this morning and took off running, fast and hard, because I wanted to get far, far away.</li>
<li>#1080: When the miles, the music and quiet conversation with God kept me running hard and fast so that I could get back home and make things right with you</li>
<li>#1081: That I can desire repentance and it's available to me</li>
<li>#1082: God wants me to know and believe Him</li>
<li>#1083: Ben made breakfast for me this morning</li>
<li>#1084: Fun connecting with my family on Mother's Day</li>
<li>#1085: I have a purple toe nail that I view as a running badge of courage</li>
<li>#1086: Several opportunities to engage in prayer for our region in the past week</li>
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Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-59592601437746717962015-05-05T16:38:00.003-07:002015-05-05T16:38:56.041-07:00When Creative Desire StirsThe past 3 months have felt crazy.<br />
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And during all these months of crazy, busy activity in my life, desire has been stirring in the background of my heart. I read things that other people write and feel myself come alive. I talk with people and hear things that God is speaking and want to write them down and share. I listen to music, sing to the Lord and long to create something that will help other people to connect with God in worship.<br />
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It has been over two months since I touched our piano. Or any piano, for that matter. This is also my first blog post in almost 3 months. Crazy months, yes. But, 3 months all the same. I feel sad about these things. And scared to start again. What if I have lost everything that I had developed?<br />
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But even fear of the possible frustration of starting again has not been able to change my desire. My desire has only been stirring and growing all this time. My desire is to resume creating. With piano. With words.<br />
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This is week 9 of my training for the half-marathon. I ran 5 miles this morning and cannot believe that it felt like an easy distance for me. As I run, I am reminded of all of these good life principles about perseverance, the fruit of hard labor and what it is actually like to train my body to do something.<br />
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I waited for a long time to register for the half-marathon. I really wasn't sure that I wanted to run another half-marathon. I really wasn't sure that I would be able to run another half-marathon. I decided to start training and make my decision later. I wanted to start running and see if the ability to run a half-marathon would return.<br />
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I ran those first 7 1/2 weeks of training without registering for the half-marathon, just in case it didn't work out. I'm still nervous because I don't know what that day will be like, how I will feel and how well I will be able to run. I know from past experience that there will be moments where it feels really hard and I will want to quit. I also know that I will feel complete exhilaration and pride when I cross that finish line. In that moment, all of my training will be worth it. I finally registered last week and am now officially, "IN."<br />
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I'm hoping to borrow from this experience as I prepare to re-engage creatively. I'm not sure how well I play the piano and lead worship right now. I'm nervous that writing consistently was only possible for me during my Fire in the Night internship and just after. I'm going to commit to a training program and see what happens. I'm going to purpose to spend time and energy playing and writing. I'm hoping that this training process will ultimately cause me to feel excited to exercise my creativity again. I'm hoping that I will have moments of delight and gratitude that I'm able and excited to play and write again.<br />
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Those of you who read my blog will have some idea of how I'm progressing in my writing. Those of you who come to R2HOP on Wednesday nights will have some idea of how I'm progressing in playing the piano and leading worship. Thank you to each of you for being willing to be a part of my accountability process by reading here.<br />
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<b>Still Counting Gifts:</b><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>#1074: Bible study with the lovely ladies of FCF starts up again this week and we're <i>Breaking Free</i> with Beth Moore</li>
<li>#1075: One pretty tulip in my yard and many pretty tulips all over my neighborhood</li>
<li>#1076: Bananagrams</li>
<li>#1077: God is my peace</li>
<li>#1078: I am engaging the desires of my heart</li>
</ul>
Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-74492799859110897002015-02-15T19:52:00.000-08:002015-02-15T19:52:20.487-08:00So, we're buying a house...I know, it's crazy exciting! And surprising because we thought we might end up renting from my parents forever. But, they have decided that they want to downsize and buy something that is smaller and just right for them in this season of life. Ben and I are excited for them to finally be empty-nesters after 33 1/2 years of having at least one child living at home.<br />
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I never thought that we would find a house as fast as we did. I was imagining a long, thoughtful process of looking at older houses in need of TLC and imagining what they would look like after we rehabbed them for the next 5-7 years. Being huge fans of Nicole Curtis and Addicted to Rehab, we assumed that this was the plan for us.<br />
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This also felt more comfortable to me financially. The idea of purchasing a house after years of renting felt terrifying in the seriousness of its financial commitment. I think that I secretly hoped we would keep renting because it felt safer than risking purchasing a house and having to depend on God to provide the finances for our house payment. I know, I know. God regularly uses my finances to help me stay in a position of utter dependence on Him and I keep trying to wriggle out it because I would much rather be in a position of dependence on myself. I guess I should have guessed that a house was coming because it was the next logical leap of faith and trust financially.<br />
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Our first two houses were foreclosures that needed tons of work. I felt comfortable with the price tags, but wondered how there would ever be enough time in the off-season for Ben to accomplish all of the work that they needed. Then we saw 2211 Oxford Street and it was love at first sight.<br />
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This house is absolutely adorable and move-in ready. I could not believe that every single room had some feature that captivated me. Built-in's. Window seats. Crown molding. And tons of natural light, my most favorite house feature. I had a moment standing at the top of the stairs. I was looking out the enchanting, small, rectangular window and I realized that I was feeling the same way that I felt when I tried on my wedding dress for the first time. I swirled in place a little bit, trying it on for size, and then I knew: I could live in this house.<br />
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This process has actually been a lot like other big decisions that I have made. I always want to make big decisions carefully and gather information thoroughly. But, then my intuition sweeps in and I just know that I know that I'm ready to make my decision. Choosing to go to Centre College for my bachelor's degree. Working at the French International School in Chicago. Wanting to marry Ben the very first day I met him. Knowing that we had found our very first house on only our third showing.<br />
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Then, as usually happens, I started to doubt myself. What if my intuition is wrong? This house is at the top of our budget. What if it is too expensive and we can't pay our bills? It only has two bedrooms. What if we can never sell it again and we have to live there forever, cramming our future children into every nook and cranny and transforming the sunroom into our bedroom? What if we make the wrong choice and God punishes us?<br />
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Ben and I prayed and had long conversations about desire and wisdom. We were both feeling such a strong delight in this house and that stirred up strong desire to purchase and own this house. We wanted to hear from God and follow wisdom in making this important decision. As we prayed and waited, we made plans to see other houses. Despite our best efforts, we could not stop thinking about that little house we had fallen in love with. Other houses we saw just didn't compare and our hearts were not moved. Finally, we realized that God was speaking through what our hearts were feeling. We felt His father heart moving toward us and giving us peace about purchasing the house, coming to believe it was a good gift that He wanted to give us and that He would provide for it financially.<br />
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We close on March 11 and we remain in this posture of awe, excitement and some anxiety. Ben has poured over the home inspection and cannot wait to start maintaining our very own home with love and care. I keep looking at the pictures online and imagining my life in that space.<br />
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I think about taking off my shoes and coat in the cute mudroom.</div>
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Drinking coffee with Ben in the yard or screened-in porch.</div>
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I imagine bringing a baby home to the little bedroom and giving kids baths in the little tub in the blue bedroom. I think about walking to my sister's house in the summer or running a few blocks over to be along the river.</div>
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I think about playing the piano there and making new neighbor friends.</div>
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I don't know exactly how we are going to pay for our house each month, but I believe that God is faithful. I believe that He knows the exact sum of our monthly bills and that He will provide every cent that we need. Beyond that, I believe that God cares about our dreams and our desires. I believe that He hears our prayers and responds.<br />
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<b>Still Counting Gifts:</b><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><b>#</b>1064: My business has held steady since December, averaging 25 clients a week again.</li>
<li>#1065: I am really enjoying my work. I feel God calling me deeper and stretching me through the clients that He is sending into my practice. He is helping me to extend His invitation to true joy in the midst of great suffering to people who are hurting.</li>
<li>#1066: My sister and I are running a half-marathon at the end of May! I never thought I would do this again, but she has persuaded me and I'm getting excited for another long-distance event.</li>
<li>#1067: Karyn has me doing yoga and I actually really like it. Who knew that was possible?</li>
<li>#1068: I finally got rid of those ten pounds that have been plaguing me and refusing to move!</li>
<li>#1069: I'm eating really well and feeling amazing.</li>
<li>#1070: Celebrating Valentine's Day with senior citizens yesterday. (I went with a group of 8th grade students from the Rotary Academy to visit Wesley Willows and we had a great time!)</li>
<li>#1071: I led a song, by myself, this morning and didn't die. To the contrary, I'm growing in my skill and confidence at playing the piano and leading songs.</li>
<li>#1072: I can drink coffee black and enjoy it.</li>
<li>#1073: Our Florida vacation is coming...and I'm so excited!</li>
</ul>
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<br />Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-56788947798872701272015-01-20T19:23:00.000-08:002015-01-20T19:23:12.948-08:00Burning heartI sometimes listen to Christian radio and the announcers have a habit of picking a word for the year. It's supposed to help give vision and motivation. I have to tell you that I thought it was kind of stupid and cliché at first. Then, I picked a word. Actually, I picked two words: burning heart. This is what I am asking God for and pursuing in my life in 2015.<br />
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Before you get excited and pick a word or words of your own, please let me tell you that God is already beginning to answer my prayers and His responses seem to be adding chaos to my life. God seems to have interpreted my prayer a bit differently than I had intended.<br />
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I prayed, "God, I want to have a burning heart. Cause my heart to burn and be fully alive this year."<br />
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I think He heard, "God, please find every area in my life where I am hiding because of fear, pretending to be someone I am not because I am sure that the real me will be rejected, and living in a numb state because letting hope live in my heart feels too risky. Please go to these areas with your resurrection power and shine your brilliant light right into their darkness until every one of those painful places enters into my conscious awareness and begs for wholeness and healing. Take no mind for my comfort, pride or convenience. Just bring my heart back to life."<br />
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I had piano crisis last night that exposed the tenderness I am feeling as God is poking and prodding things in my soul. I was already wrestling with condemnation and disappointment in myself for not practicing at all during the week. Then, as I stumbled through the two songs I am working on and they sounded nothing like what they are supposed to sound like, I became convinced that I am worthless at piano. Like ripples on a lake move out from where a stone falls in, fears of being worthless escalated all around me until I began to question everything about my worth.<br />
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God moved into view right around that time. Ben started affirming me and reminding me of what is true. He talked about joy and how God wanted to encounter my fearful, hurting heart. The verse of the day for my Bible reading was James 1:2-3 talking about counting difficult things as joy. This morning, I was reading a post from www.aholyexperience.com by Jon Bloom that was all about joy and "what to do when you don't feel like doing it at all". He said:<br />
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<i>The pattern in everything is this: the greater joys are obtained through struggle and difficulty and pain--things you must force yourself to do when you don't feel like it--while brief, unsatisfying, and often destructive joys are as inviting as couch cushions...Understood this way, each thing we don't feel like doing, great or small, becomes an invitation from God to follow in the faithful footsteps of his Son, "who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:2 and John Bloom at www.aholyexperience.com)</i><br />
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Finally, Kelly, my piano teacher, affirmed that my feelings of exasperation are valid because I am used to communicating expressively and articulately. My current piano skills cannot offer that level of expression and its OK for me to feel sad and frustrated about that. However, there is great hope for me to improve and it is possible for me to develop that ability to express what I am thinking and feeling through music. In order to do that, I need to accept my smallness and feelings of frustration as I press on through practice over time and grow into greater musical ability.<br />
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This is what I plan to do in playing the piano, in my process of becoming whole through relationship with Jesus and in every other area of my life that feels achy and dark right now.<br />
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<b>Still Counting Gifts:</b><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>#1054: I just completed my first Tuesday night practice! (Apparently playing the same day that you have your lesson helps seal it into your brain. I'm giving it a try.)</li>
<li>#1055: Being a part of my dad's surprise for my mom. He bought her a topaz ring and honored her for being a Proverbs 31 woman. We got to watch and rise up and bless her.</li>
<li>#1056: I've been running again and trying to get my 3 mile run back</li>
<li>#1057: Finally starting to read a book that I borrowed over three years ago: <i>Living From the Heart Jesus Gave You. </i>(Chapter 1 is already so good that I can't wait to read more!)</li>
<li>#1058: The gift of time when I wake up early</li>
<li>#1059: Discovering how to spend free time away from TV and electronic devices</li>
<li>#1060: Making dinner with friends last week</li>
<li>#1061: The best funeral that I have ever attended, how glorious and beautiful they made Jesus look and how excited I felt for eternity afterwards</li>
<li>#1062: Dreaming with Ben, both the familiar and the new</li>
<li>#1063: Getting back to writing for 10 minutes each morning, two days in a row</li>
</ul>
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<b><br /></b>Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-13790746287978353382014-11-17T17:06:00.001-08:002014-11-17T17:06:42.209-08:00Learning to feel...AgainNovember has been a crazy, busy month. Again. In looking back, I discovered that I only posted once in November last year <u>and</u> the year before. Apparently, my life in November tends to distract me from writing. Anyways...<br />
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I'm back and reflecting on what has been happening since I last blogged, in October. Some of the noteworthy events:<br />
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<ul>
<li>I attended a seminar on Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and The Allender Center's Intimate Mystery marriage conference. </li>
<li>I baked three batches of delicious pumpkin bars using real pumpkin from Ben's farm</li>
<li>Ben and I bought my granddad's 2005 Toyota Prius after he passed away (Bittersweet because of his passing and the fact that I will stop driving the Saturn wagon that I bought from him and my grandmems after she stopped driving in 2003. I have driven that beloved car for 11 1/2 years and 160,000 miles.)</li>
<li>Ben and I discovered the perfect cigar chair for my office while wandering the stores of Lake Geneva, WI after our marriage conference.</li>
<li>We hosted an amazing group of people connected with the Rock River House of Prayer at our house for a fun Sunday afternoon.</li>
</ul>
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The seminar and marriage conference have probably affected me most. The seminar focused on attachment, which I love and find so powerful in our human relational experience, and how couples in conflict struggle in their feelings of secure attachment to each other. My goal and challenge as a therapist is to help couples and families to move through their anger to more primary feelings of hurt, fear and loss, and to be able to communicate those feelings in a clear and calm way, rather than in their usual negative cycle, so that they can connect more securely and begin to handle conflict differently.<br />
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Dan Allender's marriage conference was intense and amazing. His challenge to commit to a no-contempt marriage and to being your authentic self with your spouse resonated deeply within me. He also talked about attachment and connecting in marriage in the way that God wants to connect with us, His people. Dan presents marriage as a noble quest that gives you tastes of Heaven and Hell along the way to growing in intimacy with God and your spouse.<br />
<br />
Professionally, I feel awed and inspired once more to engage with my clients in a way that helps them to let God heal their attachment problems and to find enjoyment in their relationships and lives. I'm asking God questions again about who He has made me to be and what He has gifted me to do.<br />
<br />
Personally, I am discovering that I have lots of deep and strong feelings that I usually avoid when I am emotionally connected with Ben. I feel a mixture of shame and fear towards these feelings within me. I am afraid that my feelings are excessive and that Ben or others will judge me for having them. I then shame myself for having these "wrong" feelings and try to stop them so that I can be OK again. When God, Ben and other loving people extend me grace and love instead of rejection and disapproval, I have a hard time receiving it because I am so sure that I don't deserve it.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HbpoxWTCTYw/VGp7lXfi8JI/AAAAAAAABi8/nFuIdL_C_nk/s1600/14%2B-%2B1" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HbpoxWTCTYw/VGp7lXfi8JI/AAAAAAAABi8/nFuIdL_C_nk/s1600/14%2B-%2B1" height="240" width="320" /></a>God is teaching me how to feel again and how to stay connected with my feelings in the context of relationship. He is helping me to respond well when I am gripped by disappointment, hurt or anger. God is showing me that I can express these feelings without being ruled by them and that allowing love to come into my heart is soothing in these moments. He is giving me courage to break down and cry with Ben, instead of by myself in the car. I feel a bit wild with emotions in this season, but I am excited to be fully alive and capable of experiencing the entire range of human emotions.<br />
<br />
<b>Still Counting Gifts:</b><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>#1041: A fun afternoon with my nephew Kingston on Saturday</li>
<li>#1042: Peet's coffee</li>
<li>#1043: A weekend away in Lake Geneva, WI and sleeping in a king-size bed</li>
<li>#1044: Dinner with friends and real-heart conversations</li>
<li>#1045: Having a hopeful heart and experiencing God's comfort in disappointment</li>
<li>#1046: Getting to drive my mom to the airport when she was flying to say good-bye to her dad</li>
<li>#1047: Being back at Trinity for the first time since I graduated in 2006</li>
<li>#1048: Our Prius :)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</li>
<li>#1049: How God loved and connected with me when I was struggling</li>
<li>#1050: How Ben loves me extravagantly (On Friday, he dropped off the Prius for me to drive home once it was insured and the plates were on. He then drove to Lake Geneva to purchase the chair for my office and moved it in once I finished work. Finally, he went home and cooked a delicious dinner. My husband is incredible!)</li>
<li>#1051: We are flying to North Dakota this weekend to visit Ben's sweet family and celebrate Thanksgiving!</li>
<li>#1052: Getting my sister to pick out outfits for me so that packing is easier</li>
<li>#1053: Homemade pizza</li>
</ul>
Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-78086680505002324082014-10-27T08:37:00.001-07:002014-10-27T08:38:21.530-07:00An antidote to envy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I was running on Saturday and it was insanely beautiful all around me. The leaves were exploding with color and the sun was streaming through all the branches without leaves. It was unseasonably warm and the river was sparkling. There was a costume party at the pavilion where we had our rehearsal dinner and there were several people fishing. Even the animals were out and crowding the path to sun themselves. I saw three small snakes, several crickets and a few fuzzy caterpillars.<br />
<br />
I wasn't having the best run, but my heart was filling up with all of the beauty. I finally slowed to a walk and found myself tearing up as I started repeating to God, "You are good. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places."<br />
<br />
I experienced in that moment what I struggle to experience in my daily life. I felt enough before God and my life felt full despite my unanswered prayers and challenging circumstances. I felt completely free from envy and frustration and full of hope, peace, joy and satisfaction with God, myself and my life.<br />
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<br />
I have been having other conversations with God about hope and desire. I am still hesitant to open myself up to these things because I have known the bitterness of disappointment and unfulfilled desire in the past. I find it easier to function when I cut myself off from desire in areas where I know, or at least I think I know, that the answer is "No". But, I really dislike the cold, numb feeling of my heart when I take that posture.<br />
<br />
I am in a season where I am asking God to help me be open to my desires and hopeful as I remind Him of my unanswered prayers. I find it difficult to manage these desires well and I fight off envy as my hungry heart sees other people enjoying what I am longing for. And, I am finding enjoyable connection with God as I depend on Him to help me steward my heart well. As I present Him with each dream and desire and listen for His response, I am finding companionship and wisdom. He also comforts me when I am sad or angry because His answer is "No" or "Not yet".<br />
<br />
I was reading the story of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15 this morning. I confess that I have always strongly identified with the older son. I resent God's extravagant love towards other people because I do not understand what is already mine with my Father in Heaven.<br />
<br />
"And he said to him, 'Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours.'" Luke 15:31<br />
<br />
Our greatest gift and our greatest need are intimacy with God. He is the only source of life and joy. Beyond that, He is incredibly generous and shares everything that He has with us. If I could understand this better, then I think that I could feel satisfied with God more often. I think that real satisfaction is found in the relationship we have with God while we are asking and waiting, not in the answer to the prayer. I want less envy and more fulfillment with God. <br />
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<b>Still Counting Gifts:</b><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>#1032: Indian Summer Weather!!!!</li>
<li>#1033: My plan to make pumpkin bars starting with a real pumpkin</li>
<li>#1034: A full weekend with friends and family</li>
<li>#1035: Finding new wisdom in a familiar book: <i>Boundaries</i> by Cloud and Townsend</li>
<li>#1036: Our forest preserve in Fall</li>
<li>#1037: My mom's chili</li>
<li>#1038: Fish tacos with friends at Bien Trucha in Geneva, IL</li>
<li>#1039: How red wine pairs with cheese</li>
<li>#1040: Campfires in the backyard</li>
</ul>
Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-70996981904152869562014-10-21T10:00:00.001-07:002014-10-21T10:00:58.668-07:00Happy FallMy heart is full today.<br />
<br />
I got up early and did my hair. After months of wearing it crazy and curly, it feels nice to wear it straight. It's getting really long now. I find myself getting stuck when I lean against furniture and my hair held in place by my back prevents my head from moving.<br />
<br />
I drove Ben to work. It was so nice. I love starting my day with him as I sip coffee. We drove to the farm together so he could get in the fields and I could have my piano lesson.<br />
<br />
I am having so much fun playing piano. It's like a delicious secret to me on most days. I am starting to be able to play by ear and I'm just graduating into playing beyond the basic pattern of blocked chords, hands together, then the right and then the left. I've had moments where I'm playing, and singing!, without almost no conscious thought. I led, by myself, for an hour at last month's 12-hour burn with R2HOP and I have been playing on Wednesday nights, when Ben leads, three times now. I can still remember the dread I used to feel when I had to practice as a child and I am celebrating the excitement that I feel when I practice now.<br />
<br />
Work continues to be slower than usual. I continue to experience it as a love gift from my thoughtful God, on most days. I have treasured this time off and spent it as wisely and creatively as I can. I feel His loving investment in my development as a person and I know that it is wisdom that causes Him to give me pause in my labor.<br />
<br />
The leaves outside my windows are stunning. Yellow, gold that hides still green patches. Sunlight streams through more and more places, falling on my face and in pretty splotches across my office. I know that the days of having to lower the blinds so that my clients can see are coming. I'm enjoying the transition to that point.<br />
<br />
Driving, just about anywhere, is beautiful right now. I watched puffy white clouds drifting through brilliant blue skies this morning. There were fall colors everywhere below and I loved the contrast between earth and sky. I'm excited for another drive this afternoon and dinner with friends tonight.<br />
<br />
I am so thankful that God gives me eyes to see all of the beauty around me and His many gifts toward me. I am so grateful that He helps me to enjoy the life that I have and protects me from the envy that I could so easily entertain. I pray that God blesses you with joy in your life too.<br />
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<br />Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-51103213313166567502014-10-13T12:22:00.000-07:002014-10-13T12:22:02.997-07:00Self-Esteem<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Symbol, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Almost
everyone I see in my practice is experiencing insecurity and frail
self-esteem, in at least one area of their lives. Even those of us
who like to think of ourselves as basically emotionally healthy can
find weaknesses in our worth and qualities possessed by others that
we find superior to our own. Without an </span><span style="font-size: 15px;">unshakable</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> foundation to
hold us up through comparison, the risk of rejection and unmet expectations, we will crumple under feelings of failure,
disappointment and shame.</span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Symbol, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> Only
God, who is perfect in love and knowledge, can give us a self-esteem
that will last. Only He, who knows us completely, and so intimately,
can say that we are delightful and be believed. We need His love and
truth to persuade us that we are beloved in order to feel that loved
with ourselves and everyone else.</span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Symbol, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> God
says that we are dark, but lovely. He uniquely sees our struggle with
sin, doubt and fear. He knows who He has made each of us to be and
how far each of us actually is from that person. But still, He loves
us and gives us worth. God defines us as lovely even in our
brokenness and the places where we are stretching and growing into
our true selves. </span></span>
</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Symbol, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> Our
only hope for healthy self-esteem is found in relationship with God.
We cannot depend on the people around us, even those closest to us,
to build up our sense of worth because other people can only confirm
what we already believe. We need Gods love to come into our hearts
and to convince us to love ourselves. We need Scriptures to show us
how God sees us and to tell us how He values us. We need dynamic
relationship with Him, so that when we have a bad day or believe that
we are anything less than God's beloved one, then we can return to
the safety and comfort of intimacy with Him to be reassured of what
is really true about us. </span></span>
</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Symbol, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Verses:</span></span></div>
<ul>
<li><div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Symbol, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">The
Lord appeared to him from afar, saying, “I have loved you with an
everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness.”
(Jeremiah 31:3)</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Symbol, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
am very dark, but lovely... (Song of Solomon 1:5)</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Symbol, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">You
are altogether beautiful, my darling, and there is no blemish in
you. (Song of Solomon 4:7)</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Symbol, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">As
the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love (John
15:9)</span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe UI Symbol', sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Action:</span></div>
<br />
<ul>
<li><div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Symbol, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Ask
the Holy Spirit to let you see what He sees and to feel what He
feels when He looks at you</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Symbol, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Pray-read
Bible verses about God's love for you and ask Him to help you
believe them</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Symbol, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Remind
yourself of the truth by saying phrases like this to yourself: </span></span>
</div>
<ul>
<li><div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Symbol, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I
am beloved by God”</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Symbol, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">God
calls me lovely”</span></span></div>
</li>
<li><div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“<span style="font-family: Segoe UI Symbol, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">God
wants me to be able to abide in His love”</span></span></div>
</li>
</ul>
</li>
</ul>
Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-73841814212846306742014-10-06T15:25:00.000-07:002014-10-06T15:25:02.843-07:00Looking back and then ahead<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm trying to get back into writing a blog post once a week.<br />
<br />
I think that Fall prompts me to write because I first started posting to a blog in the fall of 2011. I was an intern with the Fire in the Night program at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City. Several people were supporting me financially and many more were praying for me to encounter God in that season. I kept an almost daily record of what I was learning and shared it through my blog.<br />
<br />
Here is a quote from my post three years ago:<br />
<br />
<span xmlns="">In the notes today, Mike Bickle suggests the following identity and my heart really resonated:</span><br />
<span xmlns=""><em>Our primary identity (value/success) is found in who we are in our intimacy with God which consists of being loved by God and in being a lover of God. I confess, "I am loved (by God) and I am a lover (to God/others) therefore, I am successful." We find our identity or success in being desired by God and in loving Him instead of seeking our primary value in how much we accomplish or the impact we make. Our primary identity is not what we do with our hands but what we pursue with our hearts. </em></span>(http://jody-fitn.blogspot.com/2011/10/day-9.html)<br />
<br />
I was startled and encouraged to read this again today because it is three years later and I am still thinking a lot about the issue of how I define my identity and how I struggle with my insecurities.<br />
<br />
I have realized, in celebrating my first anniversary, that I thought that being married would help me to feel more secure in my worth and desirability. Ben is very affectionate and affirming. I believe that he is sincere when he compliments me and tells me that he loves me. I also struggle with doubt about whether or not he is really happy that he chose me. I sometimes wonder if he enjoys me as much as I enjoy him, or if he is just a really faithful, loving guy who is committed to his wedding vows.<br />
<br />
It has been scary for me to realize that Ben is doing everything that a supportive and loving husband can do and it is not enough for me to feel secure in my self. It has been intimidating to understand that the only solution is for me to continue to grow in my ability to receive and contain love from God so that I can believe it when other people treat me the same way. It has been humbling to discover that I, an experienced counselor, struggle just as much, if not more, than some of my clients do with insecurities.<br />
<br />
In the almost three years that I have had a private practice in counseling, I have worked with a lot of different people. A lot of these people struggle with the same things that I do related to identity, self-esteem and insecurity. I think that God has given me some wonderful insight into how He wants to develop our identity and build up our healthy self-esteem. So much of it goes back to what I was learning during my internship three years ago. I am hoping to start sharing some of it here as I recommit myself to cultivating healthy identity and self-esteem in God.<br />
<br />
I'm not going to link these posts to my Facebook page, like I usually do. I'm also not going to count gifts at the end. I am going to copy journal entries and try to provide information in meaningful chunks. I am going to be flexible in what I cover. I will also try to stick to the topics of self-esteem, insecurities and handling related thoughts and feelings. So, if you're interested, then please check back in the next few weeks and look for these new and different posts.<br />
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<br />
I didn't post anything on this date last year, but I did post on October 6, 2012. Here is the link to that post: http://jody-pursuinglove.blogspot.com/2012/10/31days-to-keep-tender-heart-october-6.html<br />
<br />
<b>Still Counting Gifts:</b><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>#1024: New clients and opportunities to partner with God in encouragement</li>
<li>#1025: The grand opening of Rockford Roasting Company </li>
<li>#1026: The most delicious vanilla latte that I have ever consumed (found above)</li>
<li>#1027: A day trip with Ben to Port Washington</li>
<li>#1028: Enjoying his delight over Duluth Trading Company</li>
<li>#1029: A fresh baked cake to celebrate our first anniversary </li>
<li>#1030: A 2 and half hour nap, even though it kept me from falling asleep later</li>
<li>#1031: Reading aloud to Ben and discovering books together</li>
</ul>
Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-58567931841266974942014-09-22T19:46:00.000-07:002014-09-22T19:46:23.062-07:00A trip to France and approaching a year of marriage<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: left;">
When we got engaged, my wonderful French friend invited us to spend our honeymoon in France. She owns a small cottage by the sea and a home in the mountains there, as well as a wonderful little condo in Chicago.</div>
<br />
<br />
I've been to France several times, even living there for a semester during college, and I really wanted to bring Ben to visit this country that I love. But, I knew that we would be far too exhausted to enjoy a trip to France just after the feat of planning a wedding. So, I asked my friend if we could use her Chicago condo for our first few days of marriage and save our trip to France for this summer. She graciously accepted.<br />
<br />
We spent a little over two weeks in France at the beginning of August. It was absolutely delightful and oh so romantic. It was truly a second honeymoon and we felt extremely blessed that the Lord had given us a double portion because our first honeymoon was also so lovely.<br />
<br />
I found myself comparing this trip to my trip to France for my 30th birthday. It was easy to do because I was staying in all of the places that I had stayed in before and I was able to visit my friend again. It was also very different because I was with Ben and no longer single.<br />
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Reflecting on this trip and making comparisons led to revelation about things that have been changing in me during this year of marriage. My experience with the sea offers a wonderful example.<br />
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When I came to France 3 years ago, I took my towel to the beach and found a place in the midst of everyone else. I swam in the roped off section because that is the place designated for swimming. It is supervised by a life guard and felt safest.<br />
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When I came to France with Ben, he climbed over all the rocks, explored the length of the beach and found hidden spots with room for two towels. We changed spots almost every day and swam in the sea just in front of us. I don't think that I swam in the roped off section once. I did hike further than I had before. I did take risks as I climbed up and over rocks after my husband. I did delight as I sat on a huge boulder, with the waves crashing below us, and watched the beautiful horizon, snuggled up against my love.<br />
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Ben is wild and adventurous and I am too, when I am beside him. He inspires me to take more risks and to push the limits of my creativity. Ben sees the beauty in me, even when I am ugly towards him. He reminds me to say, "Yes" to God and he helps me to believe that this is something that I usually do even though I actively struggle with sin and imperfection. Ben enjoys me when I'm silly and releases me to be myself fully, even when that includes stormy feelings and passionate reactions.<br />
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As we approach our one year anniversary of marriage this weekend, I am so thankful for my husband, Ben. This has been the best year of my life. I have cooked more, made more music, been more goofy, thrown more tantrums, enjoyed more adventures, loved more deeply and been more authentically myself than ever before. God has given me such a wonderful friend and husband and I cannot wait to spend more of my life with him.<br />
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Happy Anniversary My Love!</div>
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<b>Still Counting Gifts:</b><br />
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<ul>
<li>#1015: Another cool morning run </li>
<li>#1016: Time and energy to work on our home (organizing, moving, changing things!)</li>
<li>#1017: my good friend Jessi Fisher is coming to visit this weekend</li>
<li>#1018: I get to make cupcakes for my niece's birthday party</li>
<li>#1019: Sunshine on my face</li>
<li>#1020: Baked oatmeal</li>
<li>#1021: A whole day at home to rest and recreate</li>
<li>#1022: Our house of prayer community</li>
<li>#1023: God is pursuing all of me, every single part, with love</li>
</ul>
Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-91184799109894438122014-09-15T11:17:00.000-07:002014-09-15T11:17:06.240-07:00Beautiful TensionIn my life and my work, I experience a lot of tension. I usually find it where things are not as I would like them to be.<br />
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September has seen lots of extra space in my work week. My beautiful tension is found in receiving these gifts of time in the midst of my desire to have a busy practice. I spend some of the time catching up on tasks that need done, while other moments are spent more leisurely.<br />
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So many of the people that I see are suffering from painful experiences, past and present, and my challenge is to help them find joy through relationship with God even as they wait for Him to shift their difficult circumstances. There is sadness and anger toward God for allowing them to experience such distress. There is also real comfort as He connects with them in their aching.<br />
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I want to use my gifts to produce and create even as I experience fatigue and desire rest. I love the work that God has given me to do and still prefer to be on vacation. I want more and I want less.<br />
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I have been taking piano lessons for almost a full year and am excited by how God has been developing my abilities even as I lament the dramatic decrease in my writing. The beautiful tension is accepting that every time I say yes to one thing, I am saying no to others.<br />
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Being married has meant weighing more than I ever have before. My beautiful tension is in learning to receive God's declaration that I am beautiful at this weight even as I recommit myself to pursuing healthy eating and exercise so that I can live at a healthy weight. I can believe my husband when he tells me that I am beautiful and really feel beautiful even as I make plans for healthy changes.<br />
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I take great delight in consuming delicious foods and recognize that my body does not respond well to some of them. I experience tremendous tension between the desires of my mouth and the healthy operation of my body.<br />
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I love the feeling of my body working as a strong machine when I run and I would rather stay snuggled in my bed than head outside. I love to experience God's nearness in worship and prayer and I still regularly choose other forms of entertainment and relaxation outside of connecting with him.<br />
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My goal is not to rid myself of all this beautiful tension. I desire to appreciate it for the richness that it adds to my life. I want to recognize that my ambivalence and strong feelings are all a part of my unique experience in this world. I want to learn to move graciously between different opposing positions and to find my home more in the balance of the middle.<br />
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<b>Still Counting Gifts: (Today's gifts are inspired by Ann Voskamp's Joy Dare: Gifts Paired)</b><br />
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<ul>
<li>#1008: Coffee and cream</li>
<li>#1009: Cool weather and running</li>
<li>#1010: Fall and apple cider donuts</li>
<li>#1011: Sunday night and Foyle's War</li>
<li>#1012: Darker mornings and stronger desire to sleep in</li>
<li>#1013: Mondays and new beginnings</li>
<li>#1014: Free time and opportunity</li>
</ul>
Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-81609950489799527552014-05-28T09:23:00.002-07:002014-05-28T09:23:10.825-07:00PerceptionI had a dream the other night that I was teaching a class on perception. I was using a children's curriculum and I was adapting it for adults. I wasn't sure exactly what I was going to teach and the class start time kept getting delayed for various reasons. But, I remember how excited I felt about the material. I felt the thrill of discovery over something profound and I was full of anticipation about sharing my findings with other people.<br />
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One thing that I have been thinking a lot about this month is the presence of both great evil and great love in my heart. This month has been busy for me with activities. As many of you already know, I struggle emotionally when I live at a certain level of activity. It's like the door to ugliness in my heart is thrown wide open. I know that it is not my circumstances that are creating the terrible thoughts and feelings that I discover. They live within me all the time, just waiting for the right person or situation to reveal them. Even worse than this thought is the realization that I guard their presence within me. I know that they are there and I contain and hide them so that I can continue to appear nice and good.<br />
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Whenever great ugliness gets exposed in me, I want to avoid, deny and escape. I feel loathing toward those despicable parts of me and I want to divorce them from myself. Often, I use articulate words to describe my sin and appear righteous in the way that I am handling it. But, internally, I am seething with self-hatred. I shame myself for my behavior and punish myself with critical thoughts and judgments.<br />
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God has started challenging this cycle of despair by bringing His love right into my ugliness. Psalm 139 reminds me that God knows my every thought and all the motives of my heart. He understands the sin that still lives in me. He has seen and known the full extent of my depravity since he paid for it at the cross. And yet, He chose to set His love upon me. His love is toward me even while the process of sanctification, complete deliverance from sin and death through the transformation of my thinking, feeling and behaving, remains unfinished. He hates my sin, but he does not hate me and he does not want me to hate myself. Jesus Christ assigned me His dignity when I asked Him for forgiveness of sins and it speaks a better word than my failures. I am depraved and I have the dignity of Christ. It is a strange tension to live in and something that I want to keep pondering.<br />
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<b>Still Counting Gifts:</b><br />
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<ul>
<li>#1002: Extra time at home this morning</li>
<li>#1003: Wedding season is beginning </li>
<li>#1004: 8 months of marriage with Ben and how we still end up liking each other in the end</li>
<li>#1005: A fun evening with friends and family at Anderson Garden's</li>
<li>#1006: Wonderful time with Ben's family last week</li>
<li>#1007: Our basement home is quite cool and comfortable</li>
</ul>
Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-41986601334704046832014-04-14T13:57:00.001-07:002014-04-14T13:57:16.547-07:001001 giftsI'm going to count gifts today. <br />
<ul>
<li>#981: Waking up early without wanting to cry</li>
<li>#982: I have met all of my exercise goals for this month</li>
<li>#983: AND I still feel excited about my exercise goals for this month</li>
<li>#984: Ben fixed my tail-light and I can drive my car without fear of being pulled over</li>
<li>#985: <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My cute and comfortable red skirt</td></tr>
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</li>
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#986: We tried a new soup recipe last week and it turned out really delicious</li>
<li>#987: Reading for pleasure</li>
<li>#988: The sobering realization, yet again, that I cannot do my job, at all, without deep partnership with God</li>
<li>#989: New clients AND familiar clients</li>
<li>#990:<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Baby plants are growing at the farm!</td></tr>
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</li>
<li>#991: I have serious silly-ness hidden within me and Ben knows right where to find it</li>
<li>#992: Surprising my parents by installing the new microwave while they were gone</li>
<li>#993: Recognizing that knowing how to handle "not getting what you want when you want it" well is one of the most valuable life skills and being able to cultivate it despite discomfort</li>
<li>#994: Thin mint coffee creamer sweetening my afternoon</li>
<li>#995:<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Time in my day to relax and create</td></tr>
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</li>
<li>#996: Practicing the piano twice before I even get to my last-chance practice at 9 PM on Monday night</li>
<li>#997: Chapstick and hand creme</li>
<li>#998: Reading about King Saul in 1 Samuel and understanding how the fear of man can really mess you up</li>
<li>#999: Grace to care more about loving God than impressing the people around me</li>
<li>#1000: Fullness of joy found in relationship with God</li>
<li>#1001: How making space in my schedule for rest and being has made life feel so much more possible</li>
</ul>
Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-84178892177947281622014-04-03T13:21:00.001-07:002014-04-03T13:21:46.121-07:00Growing Pains...You may be wondering what happened to me during February and March and I have been asking myself that same question recently. There was a lot going on and no time for writing.<br />
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I had two wonderful opportunities open up. My mom started teaching a Bible study on Heaven on Monday nights and Ben and I were invited to join a group of young couples who were going through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace curriculum on Thursday nights. My mom is a talented teacher of God's word and I have gotten so excited about spending eternity with God in a real place that I can't wait to experience. Financial Peace University (FPU) has been great too and Ben and I are learning some valuable principles and strategies about money, budgeting and savings. But the downside to all of this is that I filled up my only two open nights during the week.<br />
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Now, I did pause and consider the consequences of my actions before I committed to these two opportunities. I remembered the brutal exhaustion that I lived with in Chicago when it was my custom to keep a packed schedule. I wondered if packing my schedule would tempt me to stuff my feelings down again and stop taking good care of myself physically because there just aren't enough resources to do everything. But, both opportunities felt significant and everything would be said and done in just 11 weeks. I literally thought, "I can handle that schedule for 3 months."<br />
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Unfortunately, I was wrong. Full weeks bled into full weekends and my anxious symptoms of headaches, stomach aches and trouble sleeping started to appear. It became really difficult to find time to play the piano and writing stopped completely. Even my work, which I love, started to feel heavier and more wearisome. My feelings finally caught up with me a few weeks ago when I started crying one Tuesday morning and couldn't stop. Fortunately, Ben was home and he comforted me. But, this really got my attention and confirmed to me that I cannot and do not want to live in this frantic way.<br />
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Since then, I have tried to slow way down. I'm still committed every night of the week and I want to honor those commitments through the end of this month. But, we aren't scheduling as much for our days off. We are trying to consecrate one full day each week to rest. We are asking God to teach us how to live well and to show us the rhythm that He has designed for our life. I'm making self-care more of a priority, especially getting active and eating better. I'm still having tearful conversations with Ben more often than I would like, but it is such a relief to take care of my feelings well again. I'm making time to write, play the piano, think, breathe and create. I'm excited to look back in another month or so and celebrate how much I've grown.<br />
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<b>Still Counting Gifts:</b><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>#968: This is my 100th blog post. I almost counted them myself because I could not believe that blogger stats was telling me the truth and I have written that many blog posts.</li>
<li>#969: Dinner with a friend and being able to be my self</li>
<li>#970: The freedom to set my schedule and rest</li>
<li>#971: Drinking cold water after a run</li>
<li>#972: <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small; text-align: left;">This piece of art that was given to me for my office and is absolutely lovely!</span></td></tr>
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</li>
<li>#973: When the temperature starts with a 6</li>
<li>#974: <i>The Wounded Heart</i> by Dan B. Allender</li>
<li>#975: God providing our first-quarter tax payment!</li>
<li>#976: Making summer plans and feeling excitement grow</li>
<li>#977: Ben working on his bike</li>
<li>#978: Having a whole house to ourselves when my parents are gone on vacation</li>
<li>#979: An unexpected visit with my sister in the middle of the day</li>
<li>#980: How strong God's grace really is in my weakness</li>
</ul>
Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3838685466344531607.post-25080439100419248352014-01-28T14:45:00.000-08:002014-01-28T14:45:24.774-08:00Learning how to learnI have always been a good student. I think it's partly because I happen to learn the way that most education is offered. The other part is that I work hard to do everything perfectly and please the person that I am working for. What has been less obvious is the incredible pressure that I have struggled with internally as I strive to perform externally.<br />
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My first instrument was the French Horn. I played the French Horn in 4th and 5th grade. I loved playing as part of a band or an orchestra. But, I strongly disliked carrying my French Horn on the bus to school. It was somewhat heavy and definitely awkward. I had to find an empty seat so that it could sit next to me or risk blocking the aisle because it certainly didn't fit under the seat. Then there was the fear of people judging me for being weird and playing the French Horn that further complicated things.<br />
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I switched to piano in 6th grade. In my imagination, I played amazingly, with ease and skill. In reality, I stretched my small hands as far as they would go and tried to make them play the keys perfectly. I knew that I was supposed to practice, but I disliked it. It was so overwhelming because I wanted to play everything perfectly on the first try. As I made mistakes, I felt wrong and bad because my work was not perfect. I would put even more pressure on myself to try and get it "right", which only made playing more challenging. I would do the bare minimum in order to get close to my goal without having to endure any more inner turmoil and self-condemnation than necessary.<br />
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I played piano through middle school, high school and all the way into my first year of college. Practicing was even more necessary at that level and I had to record my dates and lengths of practicing in a notebook to show to my instructor. My college courses were more difficult than my high school classes had been and I found that the internal pressure of performing perfectly in all of those classes AND piano was too much. I didn't register for second semester piano.<br />
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We still had a piano at home and I can remember sitting down to play for fun after that. It was much more enjoyable than practicing for lessons had ever been, but it didn't happen very often. Years later, when I first got involved in the Rockton House of Prayer and musicians were as rare as gold, I tried to learn how to play music by chords so that I could help out. But, it was a very challenging process for me and around the time that I was moving to start a life in Chicago. I gave up trying after only a few months.<br />
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This idea of learning to play chord charts has resurfaced many times since then. Each time, I feel a mixture of hopeful possibility and terrifying pressure. But, in November, I finally started taking piano lessons again with the express purpose of learning how to play by chords. And it has been a wonderful and stressful experience. I have discovered that my way of learning has not been the healthiest. I am giving up old ways of learning in exchange for new.<br />
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On one end of the emotional spectrum, I am so excited to be playing again and encouraged as I discover that I can play the piano in this creative and different way. On the other end, I am frustrated and exhausted because all of my perfectionism and performance issues are resurfacing in the learning process. I want to learn quickly and play everything correctly the first time. I want Kelli, my instructor, to be pleased with my progress. I want my incredibly creative and musical husband who plays almost every instrument by ear to be impressed by my skill level. I want to be able to hear these "stories" that both of them seem able to hear when they play music. I want to be able to translate ideas into sounds and become an artist by piano. It's exhilarating and devastating. Sometimes I feel proud and other times I'm in tears because I am so frustrated.<br />
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Even when I want to quit, I keep saying yes to this process. It's been hard and rewarding. I feel an invitation from God to be creative in a way that I have never been before and a divine enthusiasm for this experience. I feel thankful for all of the work that God has already done in me that makes it possible for me to even have this learning experience. (I realize now that I couldn't have started this process any sooner than I did because I was too stuck in my perfectionism and people-pleasing.) I feel apprehensive because I know that all of my buttons will keep getting pushed and there will be ugly feelings. But, I have decided that it's worth it. I would rather be uncomfortable along the way and develop this gift than leave it untouched just so I can feel safe and comfortable. I want to develop healthier ways of learning that I can use for the rest of my life.<br />
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What about you? Where is God inviting you into a learning process? Will you trust Him and say yes?<br />
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<b>Still Counting Gifts:</b><br />
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<ul>
<li>#955: Ben and I bought an old piano and we love it</li>
<li>#956: Time and space to create</li>
<li>#957: Our wood-burning stove</li>
<li>#958: AAA roadside assistance </li>
<li>#959: Sharing my morning with God and Ben</li>
<li>#960: Continued opportunities to trust God with my business</li>
<li>#961: And my finances</li>
<li>#962: And my fears</li>
<li>#963: Sharing God's lavish love with other people</li>
<li>#964: I'm so proud of my mom for going back to work</li>
<li>#965: I can't wait to visit her at Chick-Fil-A tomorrow</li>
<li>#966: Wednesday night worship and prayer at R2HOP</li>
<li>#967: God offers His wisdom when I have no idea what to say to the person in my office</li>
</ul>
Jody Strikerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12937014376193437268noreply@blogger.com0